Brain graze

2003-06-16T11:29:00.000+10:00

NEW ADDRESS

This blog has gone with the flow and moved to ubersporting land.. Please adjust links.
Thanks to the brilliant Scott Wickstein, even though he's used the opportunity to slander the head honcho of the greatest football club in the universe. The fact that I agree with Scott puts me on shaky ground.

2003-06-15T12:42:00.000+10:00

LEFTIES DILEMMA

Cripes, this is the 60s revisited: Students demonstrating against conservative religious fundamentalists, demanding an end to oppression and calling for democracy and liberalised institutions. Jeez, the broad left will be swinging right in behind the Iranian students, won't they? Well, let's just wait and see. Dubya and John Howard support the students and that means a difficult call for the anti-American pseudo left. Will be interesting to see what Phatty Adams makes of it.

2003-06-12T20:02:00.000+10:00

IT'S ON
JERUSALEM, June 12 AFP - Israel and the radical Palestinian group Hamas declared all-out war on each other today, promising more bloodshed after a Jerusalem bus bombing and retaliatory strikes on Gaza plunged the conflict into one of its most violent phases.
Yesterday's deadly exchange left 27 people dead and shattered hopes for implementing a US-sponsored peace plan launched last week at a summit in Aqaba, Jordan convened by US President George W Bush.
Israeli public radio said the army had been ordered to ``completely wipe out'' the Hamas movement, which claimed responsibility for the suicide bomber who killed 16 other people on a crowded bus in central Jerusalem.
The order was given after Israeli Defence Minister Shaul Mofaz met with his generals, the radio said.
It said everyone ``from the lowliest member to Sheikh Ahmad Yassin'' - a Hamas founder and its spiritual guide - was a target.
Two days after the army tried and failed to assassinate the group's top political leader Abdul Aziz al-Rantissi, Hamas was undeterred and returned Israel's declaration of war.
As Gaza prepared to bury 10 Palestinians killed in Israeli helicopter strikes on Hamas militants, members of the group's armed wing toured the city calling on the population to attend the funerals and promising bloody revenge.
``We will strike with martyrdom operations as soon as possible,'' shouted the members of the Ezzedin al-Qassam Brigades.
Among the victims of last night's helicopter raids were two senior military figures of Hamas.
One was said to supervise the firing of rockets on Israel while the other was a leading bombmaker.
But senior Hamas leader Ismail Haniya said that ``every Palestinian was a target'' for Israel and charged that Israel's order to wipe out his movement was evidence that Prime Minister Ariel Sharon had failed his people.
``This threat reveals the security and political crisis Sharon is facing because he has failed to crush the Palestinian intifada and bring security to his citizens,'' Haniya told AFP.
With the international peace ``roadmap'' moribund despite unprecedented condemnations of the violence and ceasefire calls by Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and prime minister Mahmud Abbas, Washington looked like the only force capable of stopping the rot.
Bush harshly condemned the bus bombing in Jerusalem, but he sparked an uproar in congress with a milder scolding of Sharon over the timing of the strike on Rantissi.
US lawmakers stepped up calls for Arafat's expulsion which were echoed in Israeli political circles.
But the government has so far ruled out the option, fearing the veteran leader would only gain in strength if he could move freely.
Sharon declared last night after the bus bombing that he would ``continue to fight relentlessly against terrorism'' but insisted the strikes were not a breach of the roadmap.
``We are going to continue the political process to ensure peace and security,'' he added.
The Israeli cabinet was scheduled to meet today to consider how to respond to the Jerusalem bombing, which also left scores of people wounded, including 28 who were still in hospital today.
``It is Israel's duty to respond following the horrific attack in Jerusalem, but we have to avoid antagonising the Americans, we have to react in an intelligent way,'' Justice Minister Tommy Lapid said.
A team of US observers due to arrive early next week to monitor implementation of the roadmap could find the region engulfed in some of the worst violence since the Palestinian intifada, or uprising, began in September 2000.
Official Palestinian sources said today - a day after Egyptian Intelligence Chief Omar Suleiman's visit to Ramallah - that a team of Egyptian experts was expected to arrive soon to try to broker a ceasefire.
Arafat, whom Israel and the US accuse of being the main force behind radical groups and responsible for anti-Israeli attacks, went live on Palestinian television to call for a ceasefire.
``I call on all Palestinian factions to stop all kinds of military operations and shooting attacks against Israelis,'' he said, describing the Jerusalem bombing as a ``terrorist act''.
But following the strike on Rantissi, Hamas announced that truce talks were not on the agenda and appeared determined to step up suicide bombings.
Rantissi himself vowed ``not to leave one Jew in Palestine''.

2003-06-10T17:35:00.000+10:00

BANG BAN

Collingwood footy fans refuse to take lying down a ruling by MCG chiefs against banging advertising panels on fences to cheer on their side. Magpie fan Lesley Benham was incensed when threatened with eviction from the G on Monday for pounding the panels. "I can't not fence bang,'' Lesley told the Herald Sun (no link). "I was born to bang on a fence.''
Quite.

2003-06-07T18:01:00.000+10:00

Rules for Women to Live By

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Check your oil! Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
Captain Cook did not need directions, and neither do we.
ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
What's wrong? You asked if your bum looked too big in that.

2003-06-07T17:37:00.000+10:00

NEED TO KNOW

Some ponders from CHUCK.
What is the cutoff to qualify as a weapon of MASS destruction?
If it blew up a Catholic Church during Sunday services, would that qualify it?
Do Monica's dates expect a kiss at the end of their first date with her? On the mouth?
How come if the government wants more money, it's mine they take and if the government wants to cut taxes it's the government's money they're giving away?
Are you really THAT dumb, Hillary?

2003-06-07T17:09:00.000+10:00

MORE FROM THE TEEPEE

Oh, and the Chief has published an email he says was sent from an Iraqi doctor to a US Colonel. Reckon it will do the rounds.
Excerpt:
I also want to apologize for some of our young people who are not mature enough to understand what you have done and what you have given us. We have not known freedom for a long time, so it will take time to truly appreciate what a glorious gift you have given us.
Many of us blame the sanctions for all our problems. It was not the sanctions that created what we see today, it was the regime that existed everywhere, to include this very building that I work in, the Ministry of Health. It was the regime that cheated the people out of what was rightfully theirs by God's laws.

2003-06-07T16:56:00.000+10:00

A MUST-READ

CHIEF WIGGLES has the most fascinating blog seen in a long while. The chief is pretty circumspect about his personal responsibilities, but he is a US officer involved in interrogation of Iraqi prisoners.
He writes damn fine posts that cover every non-intel detail of life in the camp, from the heat and the flies and lizards and mice, to the frustration of seeing gangsters and mad mullahs kyboshing efforts to bring order to chaos. He gets cranky with some of the "I know nothing'' prisoners, but also is annoyed that many still in captivity should be with their families. The chief also delivers a fine spray to the Red Cross, who failed on a promise to deliver letters to prisoners' families. The prisoners now give the Red Cross the silent treatment.
He paints an often bleak, yet somehow hopeful picture. Excerpts:
It is almost dusk now, I am sitting in my chair in my room of the bombed out radio station, got my candle burning that was sent me, so I can smell the fragrance of cookies and spice over the normal order of the prison camp. Fly strips hang around the room, in an attempt to put a dent in the fly population. A bird has made a nest in some of the broken bricks in our room and for the first time I can hear the sound of the chicks that must have hatched through the night. I usually can see a few lizards dash across the floor, hoping to get lucky and snatch a low flying fly. I have a small fan blowing the hot air around the room, which at least cools the sweat that has stained my shirt. I am sitting here in my brown t-shirt that looks like a tie-dyed shirt; only it is the salt stains of a day of sweating. The wind has finally died down outside, which might at least make it possible to sleep tonight, with getting all wrapped up.
I have been having a feeling that I was missing one thing out here, but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. Then one day it hit me, music is what is missing and could make a big difference in our quality of life here. I went out and bought a small boom box, and we have been playing it ever since. I even take it to the shower point, so that we can sing along to the tunes while we shower. Being able to hear tunes playing out loud is very different from just hearing it through a set of headphones on a small CD player. We crank it up loud and sing at the top of our voices. It has a major affect on everyone that hears it, not just a bad affect either. Music has a certain soothing affect to all that are listening. We even take it up on the roof so we can listen to it before we go to bed.

The war of good and evil goes on day after day. The very worst of this society in all of its appetites, greed and lust, is still fighting against the goodness that is trying to rear its head after being suppressed for so long. There are still many evil men that have other plans for this place and have begun to fill the void left with Saddam's departure. Evil barely skipped a beat, transforming itself into another form or figure in order to continue the fight against what is good. It is as if evil's goal is to control the minds and will of all people, controlling another human being, which translates into power and wealth.

Organized crime took over the minute Baghdad fell. They were up and running in so many parts of this society, snatching up opportunities to exercise unrighteous dominion over another person in order to get personal gain. It is just amazing the number of groups of opposing organizations that exist here, that are in constant turmoil, jockeying for position.

As one of my friends said recently, what this country really needs is good solid, rigorous, non-religious education. Not Islamic Saudi religious schools that produce more terrorists than engineers, but solid Japanese-style schools that emphasize math, science, reading, discipline and personal accomplishment. Education is the key for these people, which shows in the attitudes of those who have achieved some level of higher education. These people need skills and trades and they need jobs, not some over zealous religious leader promoting hatred of all that they actually are jealous of. They need to learn a way to better provide for their families, in a way that promotes the overall betterment of the society, so that levels of health care improve and these people start living a higher standard of living, which is well within their reach.

2003-06-07T12:29:00.000+10:00

RAINES OUSTED AT NEW YORK TIMES,
OFFICE RANSACKED; NO WEAPONS
OF MASS INTIMIDATION FOUND

Scathing parody at THE WEEKLY STANDARD of the paper that brought you ''All the fibs that fit''.

2003-06-07T11:24:00.000+10:00

HOO ROO BOY

SCOTT WICKSTEIN neatly sums up Jason McCartney's AFL comeback from horrific Bali bombing injuries, aggravated by helping others rather than getting urgent treatment himself:

It's sentimental, heroic, and something really rather old fashioned, but I'm glad he went ahead and played one more game- and kudos to North Melbourne for believing in fairy tales.
And it's a very Australian way of saying 'Fuck you' to Amrozi.

And so say all of us.

2003-06-06T14:22:00.000+10:00

'That's right, blame Johnny Walker Black, you racist pig!"

A New York judge arrested for crashing her Rolls Royce into two parked cars and refusing to take a blood alcohol test says she was targeted by cops only because she is black.
State Supreme Court Judge Donna Mills Mills was arrested last July 22 after crashing her luxury sedan into two parked cars outside a Riverdale store.
Cops said the 50-year-old judge stank of liquor and slurred her words before refusing to take a blood-alcohol test.

2003-06-06T11:56:00.000+10:00

DOWDIFICATION IN PICTURES

2003-06-06T11:28:00.000+10:00

C'ARN THE VAMPIRES!

Tim Blair reckons in his days editing the illustrious Melbourne Truth, he would have killed for a story like Shane Maurice Chartres-Abbott's.

My action-packed intro posted yesterday:
A gigolo who allegedly claimed to be a vampire and who feared becoming the victim in a snuff movie, was shot dead -- hit-style -- yesterday on his way to court to face charges of raping a client and biting off part of her tongue.

Blair alerts me to the omission of one salient fact that no self-respecting Melbourne tabloid editor should overlook, regardless of the story's gravity. The oversight demonstrates how far downhill the Herald Sun has slipped in recent years.
''Wonder what footy team he followed?'' ponders the Blairter.

2003-06-05T14:29:00.000+10:00

NEWS YOU MUST HAVE

PALM SPRINGS, Calif. (AP) - Barry Manilow is trying to get the feeling again after walking into a wall in his bedroom and breaking his nose.

ACME construction company expects to have the wall rebuilt by tomorrow evening.

2003-06-05T14:00:00.000+10:00

PIGS MIGHT FLY

Australian health ministers would go along with this, wouldn't they?

The surgeon general of the United States, Richard Carmona, has said he would support the abolition of cigarettes and all tobacco products, the first time that such a senior public health official has taken that kind of stand over the industry.

Course it might mean giving up a few billion in excise and taxes, but the public's health is more important than government revenue, isn't it? Isn't it?

2003-06-05T13:27:00.000+10:00

GUEST BOOK UNOPENED

Mysterious.
MEDIA WATCH'S guest book has not been updated since May 30. Perhaps they've been inundated with examples of a certain phat broadcaster's plagiarism in a national newspaper and are awaiting riding instructions from Biffo Balding.

2003-06-05T13:03:00.000+10:00

SCREAMER

Crime reports don't come much better than this:
A gigolo who allegedly claimed to be a vampire and who feared becoming the victim in a snuff movie, was shot dead -- hit-style -- yesterday on his way to court to face charges of raping a client and biting off part of her tongue.
The Herald Sun updates the curious, potentially explosive tale of of Shane Maurice Chartres-Abbott.

2003-06-04T11:58:00.000+10:00

NOT IMPRESSED?

NEWS to make your eyes water:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman has partially severed her husband's penis during a quarrel after sex, police in the southern town of Konstanz say.
In an incident recalling the maiming of former U.S. marine John Wayne Bobbitt, who temporarily lost his penis in a similar attack, the woman, 43, sliced her 34-year-old husband's member with a carpet knife, police said.
"They'd just had their bit of hanky-panky and she went for him with the knife," a police spokesman said.

2003-06-03T22:36:00.000+10:00

NOT FOOLING ANY OF THE PEOPLE

A fine essay by Catherine Crawford suggests bias comes from out-of-touch journalists, and their public knows it.
There are the perennial charges of bias, which grow louder the more bitterly split the electorate gets. But there's also the problem that many big-media journalists are now cautious, well-paid conformists distant from their audiences and more responsive to urban elites, powerful people and megacorporations — especially the ones they work for. Hence the bland news anchors who verge on self-parody; magazines so commercial they're practically catalogs; timid pack journalism (We love dotcoms too! I mean, we never believed in them either!); local newscasts shilling for their corporate parents ("Up next: the hottest Survivor finale parties! Plus, the rest of the news!"); saturation coverage of trials-of-the-minute and movies we know will be lousy but will have big opening weekends. Yes, people watch and buy all this stuff. That doesn't mean they respect it. They see a profession that acts excited about a lot — Laci Peterson, The Matrix Reloaded, political horse races — but cares about nothing.

2003-06-03T17:39:00.000+10:00

TOUGH TALK

How's this for an invitation to read on:

Sid is such a compulsive and mean-spirited prevaricator that he gives ordinary liars a bad name. Sid is also litigious. Therefore, I will take this opportunity to invite him to sue me for any libel he detects in the article that follows.

It's David Horowitz letting fly at Clinton biographer Sidney Blumenthal.

2003-06-03T14:14:00.000+10:00

BEEB BIAS

Seems it's not just an Australian problem.

The BBC's impartiality will come under increased scrutiny from its governors, who have asked for quarterly reports.
A spokesman said the board had always taken an interest in the issue, but "as always happens during a conflict, the Iraq war highlighted the importance of impartiality to all broadcasters, including the BBC".

And while they're at it, could they get some presenters who are not quite so, er, homely.

2003-06-02T15:45:00.000+10:00

SULLY'S CASE

As always, ANDREW SULLIVAN is lucid and convincing in his latest post on WMDs.
But in some ways, these matters, while important, still don't get to the heart of the matter. The fundamental case for getting rid of Saddam was not dependent on the existence of a certain amount of some chemical or other. It was based on a political and military judgement. Once the threat from Islamist terror was self-evident, it would have been irresponsible for any political leader to ignore the possibility of a future attack with WMDs. It was and is the obvious next step for an operation like al Qaeda. Further, the war against terror, from the beginning, was always directed not simply at terrorist groups, but at the states that aided and abetted them. The key point is that Saddam's Iraq was a clear and present danger in that context. What mattered was not whether at any particular moment Saddam had a certain specifiable quantity of botulinum toxin. What mattered was his capacity to produce such things, his ability to conceal them, and his links to terrorists who could deploy them. No one can doubt that he had had them at one point, was capable of producing them, and was linked to groups who would be only too happy to use them. That was and is the case for getting rid of him. It's as powerful now as it was in January.

And here's the killer punch always overlooked by the ''where's the evidence'' crowd.

1441 was Saddam's last chance to prove he was a changed person. It proved he wasn't. If he had nothing to hide, why did he try so hard to hide it? And after all we know now about Saddam's evil police state, on what possible grounds could we have trusted him in the future?

2003-06-02T12:34:00.000+10:00

CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL

Another unsuccessful day at the neddies. From our total $60 invested at $10 each way three times, we landed two placings for a total return of $37. Not a complete disaster and we've got Homewrecker to carry us to glory next Saturday.

2003-06-02T12:29:00.000+10:00

CREAN GONE

Melbourne radio commentator Neil Mitchell can be an up-himself, anti-Catholic bigot, but he's reluctant to risk being wrong. So it was worth taking notice this morning when he predicted tomorrow's polls would have nothing but grief for Labor and Crean would be out and Beazley in within two weeks. And Howard will stick around for the next election.

2003-06-02T12:18:00.000+10:00

WATCHING MEDIA WATCH

In view of all the aggrieved denials from within of ABC bias, the pressure will be on MEDIA WATCH tonight to expose Phatty Adams' latest plagiaristic effort as revealed by PROFESSOR BUNYIP.
If not, the racket from Auntie's opponents resting their cases will be deafening.

2003-05-31T13:26:00.000+10:00

THEY'RE OFF

Racing against the clock again with Magic Mick's tips. His first recommendation at Moonee Valley today is Prince Benbara (race 3, No.3) which he says is a star hurdler and ready to win again. Trouble is they jump in about 13 minutes. You have time for a leisurely waddle to take a pecuniary interest in his other considerations: These two each-way REGICIDE (Race 6, No.7) and SPECULAR (Race 7, No.5).
And here's one straight from an owner's mouth: Homewrecker in next weekend's Brisbane Cup. The oats bill payer -- one of a syndicate of Collingwood supporters -- says if it draws between barriers 4 to 10, it will shit it in. If it draws elsewhere it will probably win. Workmate and Magpie maniac Wanci reckons there's an omen quinella there: Homewrecker (Collingwood syndicate) and Maguire (Collingwood prez for life).

2003-05-30T14:16:00.000+10:00

TORTUROUS STYLE

Boy, has idiot third son Ooglay Hussein landed on his feet. There he is, hanging out in Hollywood with some "movie producer or director who wants to make story of how evil American Georgeboosh made my country a stinking crater so he could be having my Glorious Father's Oils. Also with us is William Morris agent for Ooglay and some hooker they think will make me happy. Or maybe she is movie star, I can't ever tell.''
Anyway, he learns from his Left Coast buddies that he is diverse and before you can say Liar, Liar, he's landed a job at the NY Times, replacing some idiot who thought that all a reporter did was sit in a bar and make it up. (Yes, I know, that is what they do. But you're supposed to do it from a bar somewhere near the story, not around the corner from the office). Anyway, Ooglay's now a media star. I'm afraid this is going to end in tears.
Ooglay's alter ego is doing his bit to aid the BOYCOTT HOLLYWOOD underdogs and needs a few hits to win a contest at this BLOGGER INDEX. Worth a link (or bookmark, in my case -- thanks Blogspot).

2003-05-29T11:11:00.000+10:00

AUNTIE'S IDIOTS

Resorting to the cliche of the week: They just don't get it!
Who? ABC defenders against Dickie Alston's entirely feasible claims of political bias in the news and current affairs section.
Trouble is they hoist themselves with their own petards of prejudice and idiocy.
A comrade rang "Hockey sticks'' Jon Faine earlier to brand Dickie's assertions as ridiculous because the majority of Australians were against the war and Howard was a Bush suckhole, and the US's imperialist grasp was spreading across the globe and it's all about oil and Howard won't say sorry and waddabout the kids overboard and he hijacked the republic and maintain your rage and no kid will live in poverty and pass the soggy biscuit and Bush stole the election and 51 per cent of Australians didn't vote for Howard and bring the boys home and Hollingworth protects pedophiles and Bill Heffernan's a maniac because he hunts down pedophiles and why should I take those tablets and the rest of the media's right wing and Phillip Adams gets a column only because he's in advertising and the CIA got rid of Whitlam and get that needle away from me and I know because the tram lines told me and they told Margo too....

2003-05-28T19:48:00.000+10:00

DOWD DOBBED

In the wake of journalist scandals the New York Times has introduced an email box -- retrace@nytimes.com -- where you can report transgressions seen in the paper. THE DAILY NEWS' Zev Chafets says he's blown the whistle on columnist Maureen Dowd for misquoting Dubya.

Here's what she wrote:
"'Al Qaeda is on the run,' President Bush said last week. 'That group of terrorists who attacked our country is slowly but surely being decimated ... they're not a problem anymore.'"

Here's what Bush actually said:
"Al Qaeda is on the run. That group of terrorists who attacked our country is slowly but surely being decimated. Right now, about half of all the top Al Qaeda operatives are either jailed or dead. In either case, they're not a problem anymore."
The words in italics were replaced in Dowd's column by three little dots. Those dots say to the reader: Trust me, I'm abbreviating here, but what I'm leaving out doesn't change the meaning.
But the dots did change the meaning. In fact, they turned it upside down.
Far from declaring Al Qaeda "spent," Bush was warning the country against complacency. The only terrorists the President declared "no longer a problem" were the ones already jailed or dead.
New York Times spokeswoman Catherine Mathis says the paper is "looking into" the column.
If Dowd intentionally misrepresented the President's words, she is guilty of a journalistic offense much worse than Bragg's intern problem, or even Blair's fantasies.
Blair is a kid, after all, who made things up for fun and profit. Dowd is a major figure at The Times, a role model. A syndicated role model.

2003-05-28T13:07:00.000+10:00

THE WAY WE WERE

Reflection from the email box:

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 50's, 60's and 70's shouldn't have survived,
because...

Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent 'clackers' on our wheels.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the passenger seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same.

We ate dripping (Edit: not bloody me) sandwiches, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times,we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us all day and no one minded.

We did not have Playstations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them.

We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits. They were accidents. We learnt not to do the same thing again.

We had fights, punched each other hard and got black and blue we learned to get over it.

We walked to friend's homes.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate live stuff, and although we were told it would happen, we did not have very many eyes out, nor did the live stuff live inside us forever.

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.

Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them. Congratulations!

2003-05-27T16:52:00.000+10:00

You want tears with that?

Police in Germantown, Maryland, arrested a woman Saturday for allegedly attacking a 5-year-old boy in a McDonald's restaurant and rubbing hot fries in his eyes. Police said the boy accidentally spilled ice cream on the woman's shirt.

2003-05-27T16:44:00.000+10:00

FANGS A LOT

Ve vill make you pay vor zis!

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German mother was fined $116.9 because her 8-year-old daughter refused to open her mouth for the school dentist.

2003-05-27T16:29:00.000+10:00

ALL THE FIBS THAT FIT

2003-05-27T16:00:00.000+10:00

WOG WARS

THE WOG has been quiet of late. Pity, as I'd like to see the reaction from Wogville to Queensland Liberal senator Santo Santoro suggesting that ABC presenter Indira Naidoo got $250,000 a year for her five-minute Feedback program which aired for five minutes twice a week. Case of the spag wog beating up on the curry wog.

2003-05-27T12:51:00.000+10:00

CRIMINAL INTENTIONS

Reviewing Peter Hitchins' A Brief History of Crime, Theodore Dalrymple could be explaining how all sorts of madness masquerading as public policy came about:

Most of the reforms that have turned so much of Britain into an urban nightmare were not enacted because of any groundswell of opinion from below. It was the intellectual élite that demanded that the police should be emasculated, that the law's teeth should be drawn, that perpetrators should be treated as the victims of their own behaviour, and so forth.

But In this case, he is referring to the decomposing corpse that was once the world's best police force. More:

Fear of crime now dominates the lives of millions of people - and lucky is the householder whose first thought on returning home is not "Have I been burgled?"
Mr Hitchens places the blame firmly where it belongs: on a supine and pusillanimous political establishment that, for four decades at least, has constantly retreated before the verbal onslaught of liberal intellectuals whose weapons have been mockery allied to sentimental guilt about their prosperous and comfortable lives, and whose aim has been to liberate themselves from personally irksome moral constraints, without regard to the consequences for those less favourably placed in society than themselves.

Should be a good read.

2003-05-26T14:22:00.000+10:00

RANK HYPOCRISY TIME

On the news that Australian Governor-General Peter Hollingworth had resigned, Opposition Leader Simon Crean told Parliament ``It is as simple as this: you cannot have people in authority who have covered up for child sex abuse.''
Queensland Premier Peter Beattie, who was State ALP secretary when ex-Party leader Keith Wright and his deputy Bill Darcy were known throughout the party to have had sex with minors, had this to say to the ABC:
"It has been a difficult course for everybody, I haven't enjoyed pursuing this issue but it's been about looking after children and tackling paedophilia head on and I haven't enjoyed it," he said.
Even the dreaded Margo has contributed to the issue: In her web diary of Sept 26 2001 she says that even the opposition politicians and journalists knew of Keith Wright's nefarious activities.
So when is a politician or journalist going to apply the same standard to Beattie as they have demanded of Hollingworth? If no-one does, then the witch-hunt accusation is entirely accurate.

2003-05-25T19:50:00.000+10:00

BRAKES ON

Only in country football. Tony Prytz reports from the Apollo Bay-Alvie game at Colac.

One of the Bay's two goals for the quarter came when Tyrone Van Santen goaled late in the quarter after Alvie
players stopped chasing him thinking the siren had sounded.
It turned out it was the afternoon train running past the Western Oval. The real siren sounded about a minute later.

2003-05-25T11:41:00.000+10:00

. . . THAN MEETS THE EYE

It's not a witch hunt, the hating classes maintain. It's about making someone accountable for their shortcomings of judgement. So Hollingworth must go. He knew one of his underlings was a pedophile and let him remain in his position. It's no good for Hollingworth to claim that he acted out of concern for the priest's family and parishioners. He has to go because he did not act according to today's standards. OK, if that's what the witch hunters want, let it be. But a little consistency please. And lets' start with Hollingworth's main accuser, Peter Beattie. This message fell into the email letterbox yesterday: For now, I've omitted the sender's name.
Bernard, I am a frustrated man. From 1970 to 1986 i was a member of the A.L.P.
During this time i became a foot soldier for many political aspirants. Bill Darcy was one of those whom i supported during this time, we had a good working relationship because of our shared political views and the fact that i used to service his Jaguar.
During this time it was common knowledge to all those i knew in the Labor Party that Darcy had sex with students at a school in Beaudesert when he was a student teacher.
The sexual exploits of Baptist lay preacher and state school headmaster Keith Wright were widely discussed.
On a day in the early eighties i had serviced Darcys Jaguar and returned it to parliament house. Darcy was deputy leader at the time and Wright was the Opposition Leader.
I was having a beer with Darcy in his parliamentary office when Tom Burns [former leader of the opposition] stuck his head in the door and asked if Darcy had seen "Wrightie" Darcy replied "Wrighties in his element he has a group of High School Girls from his electorate showing them around parliament house". Wink Wink.
Tom Burns nodded knowing full well what Darcy had meant.
Peter Beattie was an executive of the A.L.P. at this time[ state secretary i think] and if he had not heard of or even discussed the exploits of both men he was the only one in the state A.L.P. who had not.
Strange that Beattie can be so critical of the Prime Minister and the Governor General when he had knowledge of the paedophile activities of two of its parliamentary members.
Regards xxxxxx
PS. During my time in the A.L.P. I was also a witness to electoral rorting. 30 Months ago i gave a 3hr statement to the federal police revealing names of some involved and details of how the rorting was carried out.
It's big and it has won the A.L.P.seats in the past. Petrie? Peter Beattie is a lucky man so far.

2003-05-24T16:00:00.000+10:00

HOT SHOTS

Holy flame thrower, the GROUCH has come across the delusional ravings of a US politician by the name of Cynthia McKinney and given her the torching she so richly deserves.
In her paranoid spiel, McKinney claims, among other things, the CIA infiltrated the hip-hop movement. So now you know who to blame.
Go read him, the crip is incinerating.

2003-05-24T15:33:00.000+10:00

A MASTER'S VOICE

Latest on dumb Hollywood sycophants and Cuba at MICHAEL DARBY'S. Mick disses Castro in his inimitable refined yet scathing style.

2003-05-24T13:14:00.000+10:00

POINTS TO PONDER

Christopher Pearson in The Australian today (no link) verifies in added detail two points on the Hollingworth matter this blogger has been laboring in recent weeks: (1) That Hollingworth's main antagonist, anti-pedophile campaigner Hetty Johnston, is a barking obsessive employing debunked memory retrieval practices; and (2) That Queensland Premier Peter Beattie was an executive of a state Labor Party that covered up for MP pedophiles Keith Wright and Bill D'Arcy. Pearson's words: "Beattie's Deputy Speaker Bill D'Arcy was imprisoned for kindred crimes (to Wright). He wasn't ostracised by Labor until just before committal. The Labor caucus turned a blind eye for years to what was an open secret and allowed him to linger on just long enough to collect augmented superannuation. He was also awarded a gambling licence when the allegations against him were known. Worst of all, the Queensland government strenuously resisted any liability for compensating his victims.''
Let the witch-hunting rebegin.

2003-05-21T13:35:00.000+10:00

COWISM

Here's an extension of an old pearler often found pinned to the wall of country pubs. Courtesy of Jane Liberatore. Yes, Sherrin hoofers, that's Missus Libba.

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the
other and throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd
multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the
cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then
create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them
World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others
for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows, the government says you have to keep 25% of the
income from the cows and you can't touch them until you are 65 years
old. Alternatively, you can use that money to invest in government dairy
farms which loses all your money.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows, one on disability pension and the other on
unemployment benifits. The government then imports other cows to give
the milk, then the imported cows get blamed for degrading the land.

2003-05-21T13:34:00.000+10:00

2003-05-21T13:19:00.000+10:00

ANOTHER EURO-SHONK

Seems that supposedly noble, corruption-free Interpol, established and revered by the enlightened Europeans, is showing signs like their other creations, the UN and the Olympics, of being rotten to the core. Interpol has just appointed brutal Robert Mugabe's police commissioner, Augustine Chihuri, its honorary vice president. This from target of lawyerly wrath, MICHAEL DARBY.

I will never forget the day a young man pulled a gun on me at our Marondera farm in 2000 and bragged that he could "drop me at forty paces". Nor will I forget the police who came, took a statement, went down onto the field where the man was and did absolutely nothing. They said they were powerless to act because "it was political." I will never forget sitting in the Harare High Court last year and hearing sworn testimony of how a dozen policemen stood aside in the Murehwa Police Station and allowed five farmers to be abducted from the safety of their offices. For three years the Zimbabwe Republic Police have used a string of phrases which has excused them from acting against rape, murder, torture, arson and looting. These phrases are: "It is political," "It is my first time of hearing this", "I am not the one" or "We have received no instructions." For three years the Police in Zimbabwe have ignored scores of High Court Rulings and now, in 2003 it is a punishable offence to criticise them or say anything which causes people to ridicule them. When I had the privilege of meeting a visiting Foreign Minister in 2001 he begged me to write more about the role of the police in Zimbabwe's madness. I hope he understands now why I cannot.

2003-05-19T13:24:00.000+10:00

IDIOCY REIGNS

The nuttier public policy gets, the greater the inevitable backlash. And that's a pity because we need constant improvement in our public systems, not a return to square one. Unfortunately, the nipper was discarded with the ablution slops around the time -- sometime in the pre-post-modern era -- when excellence became a dirty word. Anyway, reckon Sydney's talkback lines would be sizzling this morning after this news hit the streets.
SCHOOL children who accuse their teacher of verbally or psychologically abusing them have been given the right to complain to child protection investigators.

2003-05-19T12:00:00.000+10:00

HAPPY DAYS

Memory lane was well trod on Saturday night when old high school pals got together for a reunion. All were ridiculously well-behaved, a situation I attempted to change to little avail. Here's a few pix from the happy event.

John, Ken, Graeme and Slatts

The class of 60-whatever

Graham, Terry and Peter

Kay, Greg and Greg's wife

Ken, Margaret and Brenton

2003-05-17T12:14:00.000+10:00

SPRINT READY

Jeez, Manley the Magician is acting like he's preparing me for next year's Newmarket, sending me tips for the early races which means I've got to run like curry from a sick Indian to lay the bet. I've got just 20 minutes to get to the lucky shop to invest in his first recommendation, the aptly-tagged RISKY VENTURE (Race 1, No.3) which he confidently opines "should win the hurdle as should EVIL MASTER (Race 3, No.3) in the third ..couple him in an exacta with FONOME (No.2)... Also back ST. VIVANT (Race 7, No.2 each-way).
So, punters, get your skates on.
And remember, in the immortal words of Bob Dyer ... "When roses are red, they're ready to pluck, when girls are 16 they're ready to ... happy lathering customers!''

2003-05-16T19:25:00.000+10:00

READ ALL ABOUT IT

Who says nothing happens in the regions?
This is our front page roarer tomorrow:

HITMAN PLOT

Court told of
plan to 'pulp'
horse trader

A WOMAN ``hired a hitman'' to beat an Olympic equestrian to a pulp after he sold her horse without permission, a court heard yesterday.
Heather Bain, 44, wanted her hired thug to ``stick a gun fair up his clacker'', the court was told.
Bain, formerly of Colac and now of Doyles Road, Kialla, has pleaded not guilty in Geelong County Court to two counts of inciting a person to cause serious injury.
The horse, Money Talks, competed successfully in the 2000 Olympics, making it the third highest placed Australian horse in the history of the
event.
In his opening address
Crown Prosecutor, David O'Doherty, said that after the Games and without Ms Bain's permission or knowledge, Mr Bloomfield sold Money Talks to an overseas buyer for $75,000.
Ms Bain, meanwhile, had found a prospective buyer, prepared to pay $300,000 for the horse.
(I intended linking the remainder, but it has not been included on the Addy's web site. And it's too cruel and unusual a punishment to expect me to retype a story I've subbed.) Anyway, the gist is there and the trial continues.

2003-05-16T15:18:00.000+10:00

This picture at Grouchy's brings to mind an old Scottish jest:
"What's worn beneath the kilt, Jock?''
"Nothing's worn laddie, it's all in perfectly good working order.''
(Scroll down to pic).

2003-05-16T15:05:00.000+10:00

GO, GRANNY, GO!

Marion Fahnestock, 60, has revealed that she was the White House intern who had a fling with JFK.
"The gift for me is that this allowed me to tell my two married daughters a secret that I've been holding for 41 years. It's a huge relief," she said.
THE NEW YORK POST suggests the church-going granny is 'sitting on a goldmine'.

2003-05-16T14:50:00.000+10:00

JADED JENNY UPDATE

Two days ago I speculated on whether the broadsheet press would take any notice of deputy opposition leader Jenny Macklin claiming she was too tired to take the opportunity to air policy on Lateline.
Annabelle Crabb in her column in The Age (no link that I can find) today expands on Macklin's excuse (she had to get work done prior to flying to the Northern Territory) but also manages a subtle sink of the slipper:

Getting on the box when you're in Opposition is like selling encyclopaedias door-to-door -- when someone invites you in, you would be a mug to refuse.

I could be wrong, heavens knows, I've been before. But didn't Macklin just get called a mug?

2003-05-16T14:33:00.000+10:00

YA GOTTA LAUGH . . .

Ah, New Yorkers, they can turn anything into a gag.

A demonstrator outside carried a sign: "Former New York Times Reporter - Will Lie for Food."

2003-05-16T12:34:00.000+10:00

'THIS SHORT BLACK IS SYMBOLIC OF THE PRE-EXISTENTIALISM PARADIGM'

Snobs think they're better than everyone else.
Everyone else knows they're wrong.
How wrong then, are socialist snobs?
In today's LETTERS in The Age a Howard-hating snob vents about higher education reform.

The "Clever Country" will be full of places to get a latte - but few of the coffee drinkers will have anything meaningful to say.
Andrew Smith, Maffra

Unlike some of the graduates I've encountered in recent days. They spoke meaningfully about Big Brother, Danni at the Logies, how it's still all about oil, why "Leo's are just so up themselves'' and getting preview tickets for the Matrix movie. And they were just the Arts graduates.

2003-05-16T12:06:00.000+10:00

RATINGS TO ROCKET

Oooohhh, those raunchy Norwegians!

Reality show to feature blue tits

2003-05-16T11:59:00.000+10:00

TOUGH CALL

Jeez, they play hard ball, the du Toits:

This came from our niece, upon reading about the people found dead in the back of a truck in Victoria, Tex.:
"Too bad it wasn't the missing Democrat legislators."

2003-05-15T16:29:00.000+10:00

MEEE-OWWW

Ouch! Ann Coulter unsheaths the claws to comment on the scandal at the New York Times.

The New York Times is to be commended for ferreting out Jayson Blair, the reporter recently discovered making up facts, plagiarizing other news organizations and lying about nonexistent trips and interviews. A newspaper that employs Maureen Dowd can't have had an easy time settling on Blair as the scapegoat. Blair's record of inaccuracies, lies and distortions made him a candidate for either immediate dismissal or his own regular column on the op-ed page.

2003-05-15T13:52:00.000+10:00

SALAAM SALAM

I scoffed when first reading SALAM PAX. Then someone convinced me he was the real deal. Then I lost interest with the constant links changes. Besides, OOGLAY HUSSEIN employed similar idiom but was funnier.
Now, DAVID WARREN of the Ottawa Citizen argues convincingly that Salam Pax is the offspring of a high-ranking Baathstard and is responsible for spreading anti-American propaganda to the gullible western media.

Sample:

What we can know, just by reading his blog, is that this Salam is up to no good. He is spreading "inside views" of the new Iraq, not only to the blogosphere, but directly among the journalists still encamped at the Meridian (formerly Palestine, formerly Meridian) hotel. Not the "embeds" who've gone home after remarkable learning experiences, but those "hacks" not yet transferred to the next breaking news story, and so still kicking around this mysterious city of Baghdad, trying to figure out what's happening without exposing themselves overmuch to danger.
And they lap it up. They depend on translators and guides to show them around, and seem only partially aware that the people who've come forward to provide them with these services are almost all unemployed former Baath regime officials. (They trust them because they speak English so well.)
Hence our media fixation on a series of stories -- starting with the entirely false account that was given of the looting of the Iraqi National Museum -- that show the American occupation in the worst possible light, and blame each lapse in public order on American oversight, instead of on the perpetrators.

2003-05-14T23:38:00.000+10:00

MEDIA CHALLENGE

Surely this will test the bias of broadsheet Australian political media and their ABC colleagues, er, comrades.
Deputy Opposition Leader and shadow minister for higher education Jenny Macklin refused to go on Lateline tonight and respond to Minister Brendan Nelson on Budget effects on the portfolio.
"It's been a long day,'' was her excuse.
Had the boot been on the other foot I have no doubt The Age, Australian and SMH would be lifting a front page story to get in Nelson's reluctance to confront his opposite number on national TV at the far-from-ungodly hour of 10.30pm. With plenty of slant in the reportage.
Somehow, I feel this further example of Macklin's unexamined reticence will again go through to the keeper.
And what the heck have Gratten, Kingston and the rest of the sisterhood to say about the silence of their token party heavy? Is Macklin keeping her nut down in the hope that her position will survive the inevitable coup? Fat chance!
I will be thoroughly delighted if events prove this post to be stonewalled, red-faced wrong.

2003-05-14T18:22:00.000+10:00

WENT TO JAIL

Took a bike ride along the river and through the city today, shooting a few Geelong landmarks. This is the old guard's tower at Geelong Prison which closed in 1990.

This is peaceful spot beside the Barwon River to have a dip, drop a line or just sit and think.

A former woollen mill beside the river houses Pegasus Antiques. They've mocked up bedrooms, studies and sitting rooms to display their wares to advantage.

The river track passes Landy Field, an athletics complex named after John Landy, who was educated at Geelong Grammar, and was the second man to break the 4 minute mile barrier. He's now Governor of Victoria and a splendid bloke.

Bollards crafted by local artist Jan Mitchell from a demolished wharf line Geelong's foreshore. They are modelled on historic Geelong characters. This is turn of the century footballer Henry "Trapper'' Young, the champion of the VFL in his day.

2003-05-13T23:17:00.000+10:00

SUPERB
I like this bloke.

Why do you call yourself a cripple? Isn't disabled a better word?
I am not politically correct. Cripple is a perfectly good word. If the word offends you, fuck off.

Are you old?
I was born in October of 1946. Do the math. Sometimes I feel like I'm in my 70's. That's because I'm a cripple.

Is that why you're grouchy?
Partially. I'm also grouchy from having to deal with idiots. I do not suffer fools gladly.

Aha! You feel sorry for yourself!
Piss on pity! I'm a cripple because I fucked up. It was no one's fault but my own. I take responsibility for my own actions. That's why I hate liberals. To a liberal it is always someone else's fault. I hate whining.

Do you think you deserve special treatment because you are a cripple?
No. But I do get pissed when I see able bodied people in handicapped parking spaces and handicapped restroom stalls. When I went back to work after my accident, I didn't ask for special treatment and I didn't get any. My career took off because I outworked all my peers. I did not want anyone to say that the only reason I had a job was that I was a cripple. That is why I detest 'diversity' and 'affirmative action'. I have seen too many people use the color of their skin and their sex as excuses for failure. I don't give a shit if you are male or female; homosexual, monosexual, bisexual or any other kind of sexual; black, white, green, purple, or orange. Do your job and don't bitch about how badly the world has treated you.

And he's a gold medal writer. His Mother's Day tribute is exquisite.

2003-05-13T21:57:00.000+10:00

BASTARDS!

An Australian man has been killed and another injured in a series of powerful bomb blasts which ripped through foreign housing compounds in Saudi Arabia.
A 39-year-old man from Sydney, who worked for an American computer company in the Saudi capital Riyadh, died in the suicide bombing attacks on guarded compounds housing foreign workers, mainly Americans.
Terrorist group al-Qaeda was suspected to be responsible for the three explosions, apparently set off when cars stuffed with explosives were driven into the compounds.
Another 28-year-old Sydney man was injured and taken to hospital, a Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (DFAT) spokeswoman said.
Australian Ambassador Bob Tyson said as many as 10 people may have been killed in the blasts, which may have been launched in retaliation for the war in Iraq.

2003-05-13T21:45:00.000+10:00

THE WORKERS PARTY?

How the heck are the middle class socialists going to handle this? A Liberal government giving preferential tax cuts to low paid workers? This comes on top of a $20 a week national wage rise last week for the same low paid workers.

AAP reports: Treasurer Peter Costello handed out surprise tax cuts of between $3 and $11 a week for Australian workers tonight in a Budget he said would strengthen Australia's physical and economic security.
Mr Costello said the tax cuts, put into the Budget in the final two weeks, were aimed at low to middle income earners, and included an $85 increase to the low-income rebate for people who earned up to $21,600 a year.

2003-05-12T16:30:00.000+10:00

ALL SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS . . .

A WOMAN prisoner is still at large after fleeing from the Geelong Hospital on Saturday afternoon.
Carolyn Munyard, 21, of Tallis Street, Norlane, was in a room at the hospital's birthing unit when she escaped, possibly down the
fire escape into Myers Street.
Munyard is 165cms (5'6'') tall, of slim build, had long blonde hair and at the time of her escape was wearing blue track pants and a light blue crop top and no shoes.
She also has no front teeth.

2003-05-12T16:19:00.000+10:00

A FRIEND OUT THERE

In praise of blogs and bloggers.

2003-05-12T14:13:00.000+10:00

MURDEROUS MAYHEM

Here's an opportunity for the United Nations to prove it can be of some use:

Wielding machetes and rocket-launchers, hordes of tribal warriors and drug-crazed children marauded through the Congolese town of Bunia yesterday, unleashing an orgy of killing and forcing tens of thousands of terrified refugees across the Ugandan border.

2003-05-12T12:28:00.000+10:00

PROFESSORIAL PUNCH

Don't know whether Mrs Bunyip was exceptionally generous in gratitude for her Mother's Day presents, but by heck, the Prof has produced a couple of zinger assaults on captives of the institutionalised Left.

2003-05-11T13:39:00.000+10:00

AGE OF CONSENT

MICHAEL DARBY presents a strong, concise case against a NSW Government proposal to lower the age of male homosexual consent to 16. It does seem inconsistent when the heterosexual age of consent is 16, but having fathered both genders I can confidently assert that a 16-year-old girl is two years more mature in all sorts of ways than a 16-year-old boy. Plus, as Michael says, a 16-year-old is much easier prey for a predatory homosexual than an 18-y-o. And there's no denying that the motto for a significant percentage of homosexuals is "the younger the better''. On the other hand, adult males who tried to pick up 16-year-old girls would be rightly regarded as suspect, if not outright deviant.

2003-05-11T13:10:00.000+10:00

THE END IS NIGH, LEFT-WINGER ADMITS TO BEING WRONG

Is this a first? A lefty commentator in The Sunday Age admits to being wrong on the Iraq war.
Joanna Murray-Smith comes from a line of old commos, and that possibly explains her conversion. Unlike latter day chardonnay socialists, the orthodox left are used to thinking things through and it seems Murray-Smith has concluded there are some things worse than liberating an oppressed people from tyranny and torture.
And yet, the World's Policeman did something no one else could or would do. It could have all gone horribly wrong, but it didn't. Civilians died, young men and women paid all kinds of prices and both Western and Iraqi children who lost fathers or homes have had their personal maps drastically redrawn by the hand of fate. But the fear and the torture is over. America, in all its infuriating arrogance, acted. Not so long ago, I dreaded this. And now, I have to admit, I was wrong.
No such Road to Damascus for stupid Atom Bum Adams who's still peddling his bourgeois bolshevik line complete with juvenile inanities like "our CIA worked so hard to get rid of Whitlam.''

2003-05-11T12:50:00.000+10:00

MISSED THE START

Well, if we'd been up and about earlier yesterday we would have ended the day's punting on top. But seeing we missed Mick's first tip (win, paid $2.80) and his second tip, Caramel Corn which ran second, only paid $2.30 for the place, while his third selection St Vivant just missed placings, we were down $17 for the day. Only got myself to blame.

2003-05-10T12:54:00.000+10:00

BACK ON TRACK (ALMOST)

Can only hope that the rest of Magic Manley's tips are a bit faster than your learned adviser. Had some running around to do this morning so missed out on having a crack at Mick's first tip, Striding Edge, in the first at Moonee Valley. It's duly saluted officialdom, paying $2.80 for the effort. Lets' hope it's not his only winning tip for the day. The Magician's other recommendations are: VIVANT (Race 4, No.3) each-way and for value CARAMEL CORN (Race 3, No.3) each-way. I'm off to invest.

2003-05-09T15:30:00.000+10:00

NO RISK OF A POLICE STATE

They're threatening to fine people in our neighbourhood who don't paint over graffiti quickly enough. They're not doing anything to catch the little bastards who dawb their pathetic little squiggles over private property. And if they do catch them, it's a smack on the wrist and off you go you poor little victim of society.
So, given that here in Victoria, where the most important issue to the Commissioner of Police is gender equity in the ranks, we're just a couple of years behind social developments that occur in the US, I guess we've got incidents like this to look forward to: Courtesy of Rachel Lucas.

When we allow kids to behave like this, without suffering any consequences, we send them a clear message that adults are weak, and they can get away with just about anything. Like the kid a few blocks from here who stole a car every day to drive to school. My Dad lives in that part of town, and he found out that the police knew who it was all along, but had decided to let the parents try to "deal with it" until he'd done it for about a month, and too many cars started disappearing. Then--as the cop who told my Dad the story put it--they "finally had to arrest the kid."

2003-05-09T13:48:00.000+10:00

LAWYERS AND OTHER VERMIN

WHILE they're in the dock, Ben Graham should sue them for making him captain and thus causing him to lose any footballing ability.
This ought to be good. Ninety-nine per cent of the population of my town reckon this is a disgrace and shows the legal racket to be an industry populated by parasites and chancers.
But I wouldn't in the least be surprised if a judge -- a graduate of the legal racket -- rules in favour of this irresponsible bludger.

From today's Geelong Advertiser:
A NORLANE man is suing Geelong Football Club for allowing him to get too drunk at a president's lunch.
After lengthy legal arguments, a trial date of June 3 has been set down in the Melbourne County Court.
In Supreme Court documents seen by the Geelong Advertiser, Gregory Allan Clifford claims he consumed ``excessive quantities of liquor'' supplied by the club at a president's lunch about two years ago.
Mr Clifford claims he fell down a set of stairs at the club function and severely injured himself.
In the civil lawsuit against the club he claims the club should have exercised reasonable care to conduct the function in a way where people drinking were reasonably safe.
Mr Clifford and the firm acting for the Geelong Football Club, Ebsworth and Ebsworth, both declined to comment on the case yesterday.
The documents on the Australian Legal Information Institute (AustLII) website said the trial had originally been adjourned to wait for the outcome of a NSW case which had some similarities with Mr Clifford's claims.
A woman had claimed a NSW rugby club was liable for injuries she received after drinking at the club.
The woman had claimed she was hit by a car while ``wandering drunkenly'' 100 metres away from the club, the Supreme Court documents said.
It had been alleged the club was liable for continuing to serve her alcohol while she was still intoxicated.
The NSW County Court judge found the blame was shared between the driver, club and the woman, but on appeal by the driver and club, her claim was subsequently dismissed.
At the time an adjournment was sought for Mr Clifford's case, an appeal of the NSW decision to the High Court was pending, the court documents said.
A Victorian County Court judge had decided the outcome of that High Court appeal could have an impact on the case between the Geelong Football Club and Mr Clifford.
But Ebsworth and Ebsworth, for the Geelong Football Club, argued it would be wrong to wait for the outcome of that particular case.
The Victorian Court of Appeal agreed the delay of a trial would be excessive and unjust to both parties, particularly to the Geelong Football Club.

2003-05-09T12:25:00.000+10:00

LOONY TUNES

Controversy attracts nutcases like a steamer on the footpath produces blowflies from nowhere. Wise editors know it: publish a murder report and the phone will ring off the wall with tips and theories from idiots with nothing better to do. Seasoned cops know it: a good part of their time is wasted by dingbats confessing to crimes they could never have committed. Ethical lawyers (there used to be one or two of them around) know it, too: there's always some crazy edger out there trying to squeeze a buck from some poor bastard's misery. The aforementioned endangered species used to tell them to get on their bike. The parasites practising law today are more than likely to strike a percentage-of-damages deal.
Anyone with a smidgeon of life experience and not hauling a political agenda knows the Hollingworth saga would bring loonies out of the woodwork and thus would treat their claims accordingly. Unfortunately, that requires a value judgement. And we can't have that in this era of moral equivalence when the stupid and criminal are as worthy as the wise and law-abiding. There's that crackpot Hettie Johnstone for a start. (Regrettably, once a citizen of Geelong). Although she was plainly barking, the media wouldn't drop her until she declared on ABC Lateline that Hollingworth should be in jail.
But that's the ABC, they'll give any lunatic a run if they think it can damage Howard.
I wouldn't have thought The Australian would flirt with the alfoil hat wearers. But yes, last Saturday their front page lead was turned over to an ex-Anglican priest who claimed he'd been abused and Hollingworth had given him the bum's rush. The poor bastard was clearly on the tram but without a ticket. He had no corroboration, was a recovering alcoholic and appeared very, very alone. Yet Australia's premier broadsheet gave him the front page treatment. Apart from ABC news on Saturday night, no-one else touched it. Quite rightly. But the Oz is a pro-republic paper, you see. And any chance for a cheap shot at the G-G or his position and Howard's endorsement of that position will be grabbed with glee.
And now we have this tragic Jarmyn woman's allegations that Hollingworth raped her 40 years ago at a church camp that he can prove he was never anywhere near. Plainly another nuff-nuff wanting a moment in the sun. It seems that in her poor deluded condition she has confused Hollingworth with someone else. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if before the day is out the finger is pointed at that other party. But how did this get this far? To be listed for a court hearing without any of her claims being tested.? She has suicided and it probably would have come to nothing except for ALP frontbencher Lindsay Tanner using Parliament to implicate Hollingworth.
There has been some disgraceful behaviour in this whole sorry Hollingworth saga, but very little of it has come from the G-G. High-ranking media hyenas have led the charge to the baying of the hating classes with their grubby little statute monkeys and going-nowhere political opportunists bringing up the rear. And, as Gareth Parker asks: why is the Left so vociferous on Hollingworth whose only crimes are errors in judgement, yet silent on Geoff Clark who has been accused of despicable acts.

2003-05-08T14:41:00.000+10:00

TERROR FUNDS DRY UP

Wasn't one of the powerful reasons for not going to war against Iraq the fact that Saddam had no links to Islamic terrorists? Well, the anti-war revisionists and reactionaries -- as well-known Aussie Marxist Albert Langer calls them -- will have to do some, er, revising.
The Independent, hardly a pro-Bush publication, carries a report that since the fall of Saddam regime, the flow of millions of dollars that the Iraqi leader sent to support the Palestinian intifada has abruptly ended. The man who distributed the money, Ibriham Za'anin, told the paper the tyrant had sent $12.5m to the Gaza Strip since the intifada broke out in September 2000. Mr Za'anin said he thought as much again had been sent to Palestinians in the West Bank.
The money was distributed by the Arab Liberation Front (ALF), a pro-Iraqi Palestinian Baathist group, which has not been involved in carrying out any suicide bombings or other militant attacks. Mr Za'anin is the representative in Gaza.
He explained a simple tariff used by the Iraqis. The family of a suicide bomber would get $25,000. The family of a "martyr" – that is any Palestinian killed in the fighting, whether they were armed militants or innocent civilians – got $10,000. Saddam also sent money to Palestinians whose houses were demolished by the Israeli army; the amount was calculated based on the value of the house.

2003-05-08T14:04:00.000+10:00

SICK BASTARD

Cripes, it's bad enough that Africans have to battle AIDS, ebola, malaria and Mugabe. Now some imperialist manufacturer wants to infect them with EPIDEMICUS TRABANTUS.

2003-05-07T14:02:00.000+10:00

FOOT STAMPER

Delightful. That's DOGGEREL PUNDIT'S tribute to the bloggosphere, done in 1890s saloon sing-along style. Our man Blair gets a guernsey:

This man is Strine, not ''rine in spine,'' a true-blue .au cobber.
His wit 'tis dry; they’re dacked and flat before they know they're clobbered.
He's far ahead of all -- to Lileks' appellation borrow,
Where Blogger Blair is posting it's already now tomorrow.

Exquisite

2003-05-07T13:12:00.000+10:00

BEAR FACTS

And in other news to hand:
The Alaska Department of Fishing and Gaming is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. The department has posted the following notice:
We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle any bears.
We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear faeces. Black bear faeces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear faeces has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

2003-05-07T12:54:00.000+10:00

GETTING A GRIP

Mick also drew my attention to an, er, interesting event last weekend in San Francisco. Particularly welcome were Roberts (Manne and Fisk), David Marr, Margo Kingston, Philip Adams, anyone with the remotest interest in reality TV and that WANKER who does film reviews on NBC's Today show.

2003-05-07T12:34:00.000+10:00

DESPATCHES FROM YARPTURK

My old pal, Mick Shack,

is a veritable galaxy of illumination this week. Mick, whose assorted musical personas include rhythm master of legendary country and western suburbs band, THE DEAD LIVERS, was performing at Warrnambool's Criterion Hotel during the May racing carnival last year when Aboriginal leader Geoff Clark and accomplices got into trouble with the local wallopers. The incident led to a court conviction for Clark and the premature closure of Schackie's gig. And no gig fee. Brave man, that publican. Clark's a pussycat compared to Schackie when someone gets between him and a performance cheque.
Anyway, Mick and his Warrnambool troubadours, Old Spice, moseyed up to the Criterion again last week for the first anniversay celebration of the Clark contretemps. Geoff wasn't there but the event didn't pass without incident. Schackie reports:

Some extreme drunkeness, a few assaults, some sexually explicit dance simulations, the attempted robbery of a patron's wallet, urination in the gutter and and attempted dislodgement of a parking meter from its concrete mooring.

Just another Thursday night in sleepy Warrnambool.

2003-05-05T19:43:00.000+10:00

I'S A POET

How about this for techno high art?
Over at ROB'S AMAZING POETRY GENERATOR you just type in your blog address and quicker than you can say digital doggeral, out comes the poesy.
Later:

I just discovered if you return to the site or even refresh the page, the program generates another poem. Kinda like monkeys and typewriters -- keep at it and you'll eventually have the works of Kipling under your name. I guess it would need a prompt, though. Here goes:

The Colonel's son has taken horse, and a raw rough dun was he,
With the mouth of a bell and the heart of Hell and the head of a gallows-tree.

Anyway, here's the latest amazing generated poem:

Brain graze Front when tired
old Trots
and other than that we saw another
man was
a
number Three weeks. So
as the national Geographic hire him Ultimately nothing
had discovered
the wake of deception
what Hawking is
now gone and 5
exacto of
four unmarked federal police took the
artist still being
repaired at 10.30am.a
positive mood and remember,
a war is Seems one of
optimism on the Atlantic Monthly
Geelong yesterday.morning.

2003-05-04T22:55:00.000+10:00

BRAVE HEARTS

Good news. The defiant folk at BOYCOTT HOLLYWOOD are soldiering on despite William Morris Agency's legalistic half-nelsons on behalf of stardom's glittering champions of free speech. Soon as I get the credit card back from the beloved I'll send them a few bucks.

2003-05-03T18:18:00.000+10:00

WHERE'S MO?

They seek him here, they seek him there, they even seek him at his auntie's place in Baghdad. But no sign of Mo So, the Iraqi Minister for Information. Those crazy cats at welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com are keeping watch and have all sorts of distractions and news until Mo comes scrambling from the rubble declaring the infidel dead and buried. Latest report:
30 April -- BBC confirms reports that M.S.S. is alive in Baghdad, fears for his safety, and "seeks surrender" to US forces. G.I.s refuse to make arrest, reportedly because M.S.S. does not appear among the 55 faces on the "Most Wanted" deck of playing cards.... We offer soldiers free "I Helped Rescue the Iraqi Information Minister and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt."
You can also select whom you wish to play Mo in the upcoming Hollywood blockbuster on his life and times.
I like the idea of replanting Mo in famous battle scenes:

2003-05-03T12:32:00.000+10:00

STUNNING SUNRISES, HEROIN-SWEPT BEACHES

If my neighbourhood is illustrious enough to come to the attention of US Secretary of State Colin Powell, the least I can do is post a pic.

Col referred yesterday to last month's big drug bust (first told to the greater world by this blog) along the Great Ocean Road which wends west of my old sleepy hollow.
The 50kg of heroin seized in the bust two weeks ago came from a North Korean owned ship which authorities have discovered was carrying a senior official of North Korea's ruling Workers Party. According to THE AUSTRALIAN the Federal Government believes the state-owned freighter Pong Su was allegedly sent to Australia on a heroin run to raise money for Pyongyang.
The FBI is now poised to send a team to investigate the freighter and its mysterious voyage.
The US Government believes the Pong Su mission was one of many drug-running operations sanctioned by North Korea to raise funds over the past two years.
With the capture of 26 North Korean nationals on barid the ship, US officials are hopeful of gaining a potentially valuable insight into the scope of the alleged drug operations.
Foreign Minister Alexander Downer yesterday confirmed intelligence agencies had found that a representative of Pyongyang's ruling Korean Workers Party was aboard the ship -- adding to the mounting evidence of a direct link with Kim Jung-il's communist regime.
And our mate Col Powell (well he comes from Jamaica, so he knows the rules of cricket, hence he's a mate) seized on the arrests, saying they were evidence of state-organised drug trafficking.
``North Korea is exporting not only missiles. But as we saw in an Australian bust the other day - drugs,'' Mr Powell said.

2003-05-02T13:30:00.000+10:00

PRICE OF FREE SPEECH

Left Coast mummers have again had their hypocrisy hung out to dry. Deciding on behalf of assorted offended showbiz types that some free speech is more costly than others, the William Morris Agency has used the courts to close down web site BOYCOTT HOLLYWOOD. (Motto: Hey Hollywood....listen up!! you do not speak for me!!)
It's a lousy act, I know. But look at the upside. Never again will conceited, untalented dipsticks be able to claim latter-day McCarthyist victimhood.
And remember, a tsunami of opposition to socialist spear-carriers is swelling across the western world. And if that ain't got backlot moguls demanding fresh talent then my verbal contract's not worth the paper it's written on.

The site's gutsy operators have their final say:
This is another fine example of how Hollywood feels that their opinion and view is the only one that matters. Average citizens are disallowed the free expression of our point of view because they don't like being challenged for their views. I stand firm on the belief that we have done nothing wrong at this website - - The celebrities have expressed their views, and we have responded in kind by expressing our views regarding the thoughts and ideas that they have, publicly, expressed.

Reckon Hollywood Boycott is a skank-free zone.

2003-05-01T18:19:00.000+10:00

WELCOME BACK

ALBERT LANGER, scourge of anyone to the right of Jim Cairns in the 70s and still unashamedly an unreconstructed Maoist (anarcho-Stalinist), explains why not all on the Left are against the war on Saddam and liberation of Iraq. As ever, Alby is lucid and passionate, albeit a little lonely.

2003-05-01T13:04:00.000+10:00

THE THICK BLUE LINE

INIMITABLE WISDOM today from the Billabong where the Prof deftly exposes the strange marriage of corruption and political correctness that underpins the Victoria Police these days. He rightly rounds on portly Chief Commissioner Christine Nixon's determination to enforce gender equity at all levels in the force. (Hope the crooks are pursuing the same course, or this will all end in tears). Anyway, as the Prof points out, what the heck has gender equity got to do with it when the prime function of Victorian cops is to collect traffic fines to fund every crazy program dreamt up by apparatchiks at the People's Republic of Latte-Wank.
Here's a challenge for the Chief Porker: Equity across the force in muscle tone and fitness, taking into account, of course, the age of personnel.

2003-05-01T12:42:00.000+10:00

BELATED BELLY FIRE

Former Victorian Opposition Leader Denis Napthine has finally shown a touch of pit bull that was glaringly lacking in his stint at the Liberal Party helm.
Ripping into the Bracks Government in State Parliament last night, the Member for Portland in the state's struggling south-west, reflected the great unwashed's growing disenchantment with the bourgoisie by referring to "Albert Park latte sippers and Williamstown wankers".
These beachside former working class suburbs have been colonised by the tosser classes and are respectively the seats for "Poster Boy for Gays'' Deputy Premier John Thwaites and "I Love Austraya'' Premier Steve Bracks.
Bemoaning Labor's "desertion" of low-income families, Dr Napthine told Parliament the modern ALP had "sold out to the dual-income latte sippers of Albert Park and the Williamstown wankers".
Can't find a response anywhere from Thwaites, but I was right on the money with Bracks' reaction. In fact I offered a colleague last night 10-1/on that he'd use the wanker's favourite word (Williamstown or wherever).
Ah Bracksie, like all dorks, he's predictable. Nappy's colourful, apt words, the Premier said, were "inappropriate''!!!

2003-05-01T12:06:00.000+10:00

MAGISTERIAL WISDOM v SOCIAL WORKER CRAP

Has Adelaide magistrate Michael Esmond Frederick, who presides at the Port Adelaide Magistrates Court, delivered the first heavy artillary barrage on the home front in the culture wars?
FREDERICK has bleeding hearts pumping overtime all over Australia in the wake of his stack-blowing when sentencing a drug addicted prostitute who had broken bail.
Ensuring nods of agreement wherever commonsense is practised in Oz, 'is Worship let fly at the miscreant and the useless class of public trough guzzlers who for 30 years have provided nothing but platitudes and pathetic excuses for her type.
Minutes before handing down the sentence for soliciting for prostitution and breaching a bail condition, Mr Frederick told 21-year-old Tashara Lee-Anne Were: "You're a druggie and you'll die in the gutter . . . I don't believe in that social worker crap . . . you can go to work.
"Seven million of us do it whilst 14 million like you sit at home watching Days of Our Lives, smoking your crack pipe and using needles, and I'm sick of you sucking us dry. Little Johnnie taxes us with all sorts, and now with salt tax and maybe war tax.
"We dicks pay for your life. It's your choice to be a junkie and die in the gutter.
"No one gives a shit, but you're going to kill that woman who is your mother, damn you to death."

2003-04-30T15:50:00.000+10:00

UP AGAINST THE WALL, LLB MOTHERS

SCOTT WICKSTEIN comments with not a lot of optimism on the future of Medicare, which despite a $920million Federal injection, is foundering and will require more Australians to pay more for the doctor if the truly disadvantaged are to continue to be guaranteed free health care. My wife manages a medical practice and reports that the main reason doctors are forced to charge above the bulk billing fee is the increasing cost of indemnity insurance. Here's a chance for the government to do something revolutionary while keeping doctors' costs down and making the country a better place for the socially responsible: Dramatically decrease, or even stop for a period, enrolments in law schools. We've got enough of the parasites. All they do is expand the privileges brought by their protected industry and encourage their colleagues to become damages collectors for the whinging classes or worse, politicians. And then they make laws that limit the freedom of everyone except ambulance chasing lawyers. If Australia has developed to a stage where we no longer need textile workers, book printers or electronics makers, I say we can do without more lawyers. Do very well, indeed.

2003-04-30T13:05:00.000+10:00

IT'S ALL ABOUT FOOTY!
Courtesy of WALLACE, Dubya's buddy, we learn that the Coalition of the Willing won this stoush so quickly and convincingly because the US, Britain and Australian play brands of football that involve bone-crunching controlled mayhem.
Football is violent, but it is not aimless violence. Each individual collision is a tightly circumscribed competition that measures each man's heart, drive, intellect, skill and cunning. On both sides of the ball, strategy and counterstrategy - the multiplicity of options on a single play - contrive to create an intricate and sophisticated contest. Football is as cerebral as it is violent.
The only people who cannot comprehend football's sophistication are snobs who would like nothing better than to believe that these slashing wide receivers and great gridiron behemoths smashing into each other are dumber than they are. What a devastating ego shock to realize that the average college professor would be incapable mentally, as well as physically, to play successfully the modern game of football.
Why incapable? Because a working intellect under intense psychological pressure and physical exhaustion is an entirely different quality than a working intellect languishing in the library. Players must execute a sophisticated battle plan swiftly, decisively and
flawlessly in extreme situations, while a similarly equipped and talented group of athletes is doing its best to stop them. Play after play, there is no room for error. In football, there is no time for still more "resolutions." The threat must be perceived and evaluated and the correct decision made now or the consequences could be ignominious defeat. The ethos of football and its prerequisite talents, attitudes and qualities are inculcated in abundance in America's military leaders.

The UNwilling, with a few minor exceptions, prefer a contest which can take two hours to achieve a nil-all result.

The ethos of what Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld called "Old Europe" is exemplified in the game of soccer. Soccer is a beautiful and well-powdered sport, much like "diplomacy," bringing to mind men in top hats and striped pants walking herky-jerky, as in black-and-white silent newsreels. Soccer is French jeu d'esprit, and it is the sport of the United Nations.
Soccer rules are easily understood, and the sport is imbued with a comradely egalitarian aspect. Players run about. They wave their arms. Sometimes, they fall down. Sometimes, they can even be tripped, and it is in these moments that Europeans first learn to be either bad actors or diplomats; tumbling on the turf, clutching a "bruised" shin, then bounding up unhurt to take a free kick (or a post-war oil concession.) Soccer matches can and frequently do end in a tie. This abundance of scoreless ties leads one to suspect that for soccer players, as for U.N. diplomats, the goal is to stall until ultimately nothing is resolved, and no one can really be blamed. Tie-breaking "shootouts" in international play ought to be eliminated altogether, since an egalitarian draw of no winner, no loser, and no hurt feelings is a U.N. dream come true. The activity, in the end, is pointless. But fans will neither despair nor rejoice at the outcome; aficionados in smoky salons, sipping espresso, can debate endlessly who played the better game.
Is it any wonder that the Old European nations shrink from decisive action, taking only tentative, mincing steps, hoping they'll never have to fight for anything and unable to decide firmly whether there is anything at all worth fighting for? Consider also what American football is not. It is not about passing the buck, walking while others carry the load or debating until you are overcome by events. Nor is it about ennui, languor and the c'est la vie attitude.

2003-04-29T12:54:00.000+10:00

KEEPING ARTISTIC OVERHEADS LOW

It's plainly not difficult to create art in Britain today. None of your agonising drafting, harmonising of colour and textural elements or unveiling of universal profundities for artist Carey Young. Nor, it seems, is there the joy and pride of sharing her artistic endeavour.
YOUNG demonstrates that the hardest part of making art today is keeping a straight face.
For the £24,000 Beck's Futures award she has submitted only a framed legal document declaring that she is keeping her work of art secret.
Oh well, she may not have much to show, but the artist still has her principles. She has refused to submit her work in protest at the award being sponsored by Beck's, the brewers. She says that big business has an "insidious" effect on art and she does not want her work exploited for commercial gain.
Well she wouldn't want to appear hypocritical, would she? Er, would she? Young conceded yesterday that she had accepted a £4,000 cheque from the sponsors for being shortlisted. "I need the money to survive," she bleated.

2003-04-24T22:42:00.000+10:00

SADDAM'S RUBBLE AND STRIFE

The world's best tabloid presents compelling evidence to suggest the ugly stick is not whacked only in the BBC's war news room.

2003-04-23T16:41:00.000+10:00

UNCLE SAYS THEY MUST HAVE DROPPED TO THE DAM

Beautiful Indian summer day here in tranquil Geelong. I've got the day off and both offspring are on leave, Erin from her job in the high country and Tim from St Joseph's academy for red-haired footballers (Think Stoneham, McGrath, Ling, Bruns, it's red knob heaven). So with my earnings from a thoughtful little wager last evening -- a 42-1 long shot steered by Bruce Clark in the last at Mildura -- I took them to lunch. We dined at the Wharf Shed, a delightful little chaff trough which in an earlier life was a port cargo depot. Most pleasant and the occasion presented the opportunity for a photo of me darlings.

2003-04-22T22:16:00.000+10:00

GONE FOR ALL MONEY

Trust the world's best tabloid to go in boots and all against treacherous scumbag George Galloway.

2003-04-22T22:00:00.000+10:00

SAY IT AIN'T SO, MO

I want to believe LEONARD PITTS like a 9-year-old kid wants to keep believing in Santa.
You were not simply a liar, Mohammed. You were to the art of deception what Jordan was to basketball, what Hawking is to science, what Springer is to trash television -- a talent of such boldness, originality and vision that nobody else compares.
And I'm supposed to believe you'd be such a barbarian as to deprive the world of that gift? By taking your own life, yet? No way. Committing suicide would suggest you felt a certain shame. And the capacity for shame is, to say the least, inconsistent with my image of you.

2003-04-18T20:05:00.000+10:00

MR ER, NOT SO BIG

Here's Peter Van Lierop's story. Peter is the Melbourne lawyer who was ambushed by undercover police in Geelong on Wednesday during a major bust that yielded $75 million worth of heroin.
A MAN run off the road and arrested at gunpoint by Australian Federal Police in Geelong's Mercer Street during a massive drugs operation on Wednesday was not the Mr Big police believed he was.
The man was released on Wednesday night after being questioned in Melbourne in what is an embarrassing case of mistaken identity.
Federal police believed the man, Peter Van Lierop, a retired lawyer from Melbourne who has an apartment in Drumcondra, was the money man behind the operation.
But instead of going to a drugs rendezvous, Mr Van Lierop was in fact driving fewer than two kilometres from his holiday unit to an auction of land in Brougham Street when the federal agents pounced.
Last night he talked calmly about the incident, but at 2pm Tuesday it was a different matter.
``I was absolutely terrified,'' he said. ``They apparently thought I was the Mr Big of the operation, but I am no Mr Big.
``The car in front of me jammed on its brakes and I hit it and the car behind rammed into me.
``Then the man in the ute (at the front) got out yelling: `Put your hands on the dashboard, higher, higher.'
``At that time I thought I was in the hands of someone out of control in some sort of road rage.
``I saw another man with a gun pointed at me and I thought maybe it was some sort of terrorist operation or something.
``Then I saw a third person with a gun and they had on a jacket that said police and then I calmed down a bit.
``But it was 10 seconds of sheer terror.''
Mr Van Lierop was taken from the car at gun point and handcuffed.
He said he co-operated fully, trying to reassure police he was not their man.
``By then I knew there had been a mistake.
``I just kept asking them why me? Why me?
``What has annoyed me about this is that they had nothing to identify them as police.
``They just looked like ordinary people in ordinary cars.''
Mr Van Lierop's car was searched and the police returned with him to his apartment and searched that before they took him to police headquarters in Melbourne.
From his quizzing of police, Mr Van Lierop learned the case of mistaken identity began earlier in the day when he took the family dog Tim down to the Esplanade in Drumcondra for a walk about 10.30am.
Unknown to him, he parked his wife's red BMW next to a car that was being driven by a man who was later arrested as part of the police operation.
Police were watching the man and thought Mr Van Lierop's BMW was suspicious.
``They told me they had information the money man of the operation was a white Australian called Peter who drove a red car,'' he said.
``That was enough for them.''
At 1.50pm Mr Van Lierop got in his car to attend the land auction in Brougham Street.
He was just turning into Mercer Street doing about 60km/h when the police struck.
The police were reluctant to believe his protests of innocence.
``I kept telling them they had the wrong person but one of the girls was very aggressive.
``She kept saying, `No, I know you. I know you, we have got you'.''
The agent later told Mr Van Lierop she had not slept for more than 30 hours.
He said while the agents eventually accepted he was not the Mr Big, they did not apologise.
The BMW, with extensive damage to front and rear ends, is now being repaired at the expense of the Federal police.

2003-04-17T22:50:00.000+10:00

AMAZING SPINSTER TOPPLES

Dang blast! We'd found just the bloke to put the right spin on Geelong's shocking performances in the AFL, when we hear he may have done the devil's jig at the end of a too-short stretch of rope.

ALLIED military chiefs were yesterday looking at reports that the Iraqi information minister dubbed ``Comical Ali'' had committed suicide.
Newspaper reports in Iran said Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, who repeatedly claimed that Iraq was winning the war, had hanged himself.
Military sources treated the reports with caution, suggesting they could have been spread by the fleeing Iraqi propagandist to throw special forces' snatch squads off his tail.
Al-Sahhaf is not on the US list of Saddam Hussein's 55 most-wanted henchmen, but he is still being sought, after becoming the mouthpiece for the Iraqi regime during the war.
Two Iranian newspapers said he killed himself in the hours before the capital was taken by US forces, and refugees coming across the Iranian border said he had committed suicide.
A military source said: ``We can't verify this but we are still looking for him and other members of the regime.
``If he's dead that's it, but if he's alive we'll be very interested to talk to him.
Al-Sahhaf acted as a one man propaganda machine during the war, launching increasingly ludicrous tirades on worldwide television.

Imagine it: Brisbane has slaughtered the Cats, 35.30 to 3.5 in the last match of the season, a year in which Geelong failed to win a game. (Looking quite plausible). The Cat army is milling in the streets and bloodshed is possible. Tears are a definite. We get Baghdad Bob out to appease the masses: The infidels from Queensland didn't win, he tells the hostile masses. ``We slaughtered them and we will continue to slaughter them. God is grilling their stomachs in hell.''
"They are trapped in the ruck. They are trapped in the backline. They are trapped on the ball. They are trapped in the players' race. They are trapped everywhere."

2003-04-17T17:11:00.000+10:00

D'OH!!

Oops! Hold the front page:
Re our report this morning, published in the previous post:
ARMED police arrested a man at gunpoint after ramming him off the road in crowded Mercer Street yesterday.
Federal police in four unmarked cars swooped in, surrounding the man's red BMW and forced it to stop as part of yesterday's massive drug bust.
A man called our office today wanting all the photos we took of the red BMW the wallopers pulled up yesterday when they arrested a suspect in the big Geelong-Lorne drug bust.
He was the suspect, he said. He was not involved in drugs. And worst of all for senior police, and the government, he is a Melbourne LAWYER!
We didn't publish anything to identify him, so we're in the clear. But the words ''wrongful arrest'' are buzzing through police HQ.

2003-04-17T13:28:00.000+10:00

SCOOP

We're a tad self-satisfied at the Geelong Advertiser today. We've got possibly the biggest drug bust story ever in the state and our metropolitan daily rivals missed it. It had everything: 24 hour undercover surveillance, high speed car chases, a daylight city street car-ram ambush, millions of bucks worth of heroin seized and a corpse, possibly of a drug smuggler, washed up near Victoria's most fashionable surf beach.

The paper's news links last a only day, so I'll publish in full here:

Thursday, April 17
NATALIE STAAKS and DANIEL FOGARTY

A MAN is dead and police seized more than 40 kilograms of high grade heroin in a day of drama stretching from Wye River to Geelong yesterday.
The body of the man, believed to have been murdered, was found washed up on rocks outside of Lorne shortly after one of the biggest drug busts in Victoria's history.
The heroin, with an estimated street value of between $60 million and $80 million, was the target of a massive drug bust in Lorne yesterday morning.
Startled residents and school holidaymakers woke to about 30 federal police swooping on the coastal town and arresting two men in Lorne's main street.
The two were caught and handcuffed by police at the recreation reserve known as Scotchman's Hill.
Witnesses described a large scale search of the pier area by police and customs officers, who also launched a dinghy for an ocean search.
At 10.30am, a man was found washed up on rocks 20 minutes out of Lorne with an inflatable dinghy and a tatty orange life buoy by his side.
Police said passers-by walking on the beach had found the body of the Asian man, which was covered in kelp.
Other reports suggested the federal police officers had discovered the dead man.
A little later, police radio airwaves burst into life with reports of four or five unmarked cars screaming down the Princes Freeway towards Geelong at speeds of up to 160 km/h.
They were quickly identified as unmarked police cars and 30 minutes later they raced into town.
Armed officers surrounded a car in Mercer Street and arrested a man at gunpoint in front of astonished workers and shoppers.
It was the third arrest in yesterday's massive drug sting.
Melbourne Homicide Squad detectives did not arrive at Boggaley Creek, near Wye River, until about 4.30pm.
The dead man, dressed in khaki overalls and a jacket, was still on the rocks where he had been found.
It is believed the death of the man in his late 40s is connected to the drug bust but police would not confirm this last night.
As the wind picked up and the tide rolled in, about eight police officers, including officers from Colac and Torquay, watched over the body.
A blue tarp was laid out over the corpse.
Senior Sergeant Phil Swindells, of the Homicide Squad, said the man had injuries which could have been caused by landing on the rocks.
A postmortem would determine the cause of death.
``As a result of the information and the manner that the body was located among the rocks suggests it may be suspicious,'' Sen-Sgt Swindells said.
He said he was not aware if the dead man was connected to the drug operations in the area.
Nothing had been found on the body to suggest the man was involved in the drug busts.
By 6.30pm last night, Lorne SES had brought the body up from the beach and it was taken to Melbourne.

SUSPECTED MURDER: Homicide detectives start to investigate the death of man at Wye River yesterday. Photo: PHILLIP STUBBS

There's more:

Thursday, April 17
TONY PRYTZ
ARMED police arrested a man at gunpoint after ramming him off the road in crowded Mercer Street yesterday.
Federal police in four unmarked cars swooped in, surrounding the man's red BMW and forced it to stop as part of yesterday's massive drug bust.
The front police car, a grey ute, slammed on its brakes causing the BMW to rear-end it while a dark blue Subaru rammed the BMW from behind.
Up to five other unmarked federal cars then surrounded the vehicle, which had been travelled along Mercer Street towards the city centre about 2.10pm.
Eyewitness Kylie Cuddy saw the dramatic capture unfold.
She said the driver of the grey ute got out of the car with a gun pointed at the man in the BMW.
Ms Cuddy, in her second day at work at a Mercer Street business, said the man offered no resistance and was quickly handcuffed.
``I heard the screech of brakes and a crash and then the bloke got out with a gun pointed at the bloke in the car,'' she said.
``At first I thought it was just an accident but then I saw the cars surround him and the gun and I knew it was something else.''
Fellow employee Craig Treloar said the federal police took items from the man's car.
``They were hauling a lot of stuff out of the car, clothes and some boxes,'' he said.
The police would not say what was occurring.
The incident was one of a number of dramatic events as federal agents launched raids in Lorne and Geelong.

2003-04-15T15:32:00.000+10:00

A FISK FULL OF HATE

What a nasty piece of patronising, racist work is Robert Fisk. The dunny roll bandit has no doubt who is to blame for the looting of Iraq's National Archaeological Museum. It's the ignorant Iraquis, aided and abetted by the dreaded US Marines. How preposterous, Fisk appears to be saying, that these two groups could aspire to the establishment of a democratic society.

Cop his hate-speech:

The mobs who came here Shia Muslims, for the most part, from the hovels of Saddam City probably had no idea of the value of the pots or statues. Their destruction appears to have been the result of ignorance as much as fury. In the vast museum library, only a few books mostly mid-19th-century archaeological works appeared to have been stolen or destroyed. Looters set little value in books.

But this is his piece de resistance for bilespew:
Iraq's history had already been trashed by the looters whom the Americans unleashed on the city during their "liberation".

"Unleashed'', not liberated. Charming, ain't he.