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Saturday



HOT SHOTS

Holy flame thrower, the GROUCH has come across the delusional ravings of a US politician by the name of Cynthia McKinney and given her the torching she so richly deserves.
In her paranoid spiel, McKinney claims, among other things, the CIA infiltrated the hip-hop movement. So now you know who to blame.
Go read him, the crip is incinerating.



A MASTER'S VOICE

Latest on dumb Hollywood sycophants and Cuba at MICHAEL DARBY'S. Mick disses Castro in his inimitable refined yet scathing style.



POINTS TO PONDER

Christopher Pearson in The Australian today (no link) verifies in added detail two points on the Hollingworth matter this blogger has been laboring in recent weeks: (1) That Hollingworth's main antagonist, anti-pedophile campaigner Hetty Johnston, is a barking obsessive employing debunked memory retrieval practices; and (2) That Queensland Premier Peter Beattie was an executive of a state Labor Party that covered up for MP pedophiles Keith Wright and Bill D'Arcy. Pearson's words: "Beattie's Deputy Speaker Bill D'Arcy was imprisoned for kindred crimes (to Wright). He wasn't ostracised by Labor until just before committal. The Labor caucus turned a blind eye for years to what was an open secret and allowed him to linger on just long enough to collect augmented superannuation. He was also awarded a gambling licence when the allegations against him were known. Worst of all, the Queensland government strenuously resisted any liability for compensating his victims.''
Let the witch-hunting rebegin.


Wednesday



COWISM

Here's an extension of an old pearler often found pinned to the wall of country pubs. Courtesy of Jane Liberatore. Yes, Sherrin hoofers, that's Missus Libba.

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the
other and throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd
multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the
cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then
create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them
World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others
for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows, the government says you have to keep 25% of the
income from the cows and you can't touch them until you are 65 years
old. Alternatively, you can use that money to invest in government dairy
farms which loses all your money.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows, one on disability pension and the other on
unemployment benifits. The government then imports other cows to give
the milk, then the imported cows get blamed for degrading the land.



COWISM

Here's an extension of an old pearler often found pinned to the wall of country pubs. Courtesy of Jane Liberatore. Yes, Sherrin hoofers, that's Missus Libba.

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the
other and throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd
multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the
cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then
create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them
World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others
for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows, the government says you have to keep 25% of the
income from the cows and you can't touch them until you are 65 years
old. Alternatively, you can use that money to invest in government dairy
farms which loses all your money.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows, one on disability pension and the other on
unemployment benifits. The government then imports other cows to give
the milk, then the imported cows get blamed for degrading the land.



ANOTHER EURO-SHONK

Seems that supposedly noble, corruption-free Interpol, established and revered by the enlightened Europeans, is showing signs like their other creations, the UN and the Olympics, of being rotten to the core. Interpol has just appointed brutal Robert Mugabe's police commissioner, Augustine Chihuri, its honorary vice president. This from target of lawyerly wrath, MICHAEL DARBY.

I will never forget the day a young man pulled a gun on me at our Marondera farm in 2000 and bragged that he could "drop me at forty paces". Nor will I forget the police who came, took a statement, went down onto the field where the man was and did absolutely nothing. They said they were powerless to act because "it was political." I will never forget sitting in the Harare High Court last year and hearing sworn testimony of how a dozen policemen stood aside in the Murehwa Police Station and allowed five farmers to be abducted from the safety of their offices. For three years the Zimbabwe Republic Police have used a string of phrases which has excused them from acting against rape, murder, torture, arson and looting. These phrases are: "It is political," "It is my first time of hearing this", "I am not the one" or "We have received no instructions." For three years the Police in Zimbabwe have ignored scores of High Court Rulings and now, in 2003 it is a punishable offence to criticise them or say anything which causes people to ridicule them. When I had the privilege of meeting a visiting Foreign Minister in 2001 he begged me to write more about the role of the police in Zimbabwe's madness. I hope he understands now why I cannot.


Monday



IDIOCY REIGNS

The nuttier public policy gets, the greater the inevitable backlash. And that's a pity because we need constant improvement in our public systems, not a return to square one. Unfortunately, the nipper was discarded with the ablution slops around the time -- sometime in the pre-post-modern era -- when excellence became a dirty word. Anyway, reckon Sydney's talkback lines would be sizzling this morning after this news hit the streets.
SCHOOL children who accuse their teacher of verbally or psychologically abusing them have been given the right to complain to child protection investigators.



HAPPY DAYS

Memory lane was well trod on Saturday night when old high school pals got together for a reunion. All were ridiculously well-behaved, a situation I attempted to change to little avail. Here's a few pix from the happy event.



John, Ken, Graeme and Slatts


The class of 60-whatever



Graham, Terry and Peter



Kay, Greg and Greg's wife



Ken, Margaret and Brenton


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