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Saturday



SPRINT READY

Jeez, Manley the Magician is acting like he's preparing me for next year's Newmarket, sending me tips for the early races which means I've got to run like curry from a sick Indian to lay the bet. I've got just 20 minutes to get to the lucky shop to invest in his first recommendation, the aptly-tagged RISKY VENTURE (Race 1, No.3) which he confidently opines "should win the hurdle as should EVIL MASTER (Race 3, No.3) in the third ..couple him in an exacta with FONOME (No.2)... Also back ST. VIVANT (Race 7, No.2 each-way).
So, punters, get your skates on.
And remember, in the immortal words of Bob Dyer ... "When roses are red, they're ready to pluck, when girls are 16 they're ready to ... happy lathering customers!''


Friday



READ ALL ABOUT IT

Who says nothing happens in the regions?
This is our front page roarer tomorrow:

HITMAN PLOT

Court told of
plan to 'pulp'
horse trader


A WOMAN ``hired a hitman'' to beat an Olympic equestrian to a pulp after he sold her horse without permission, a court heard yesterday.
Heather Bain, 44, wanted her hired thug to ``stick a gun fair up his clacker'', the court was told.
Bain, formerly of Colac and now of Doyles Road, Kialla, has pleaded not guilty in Geelong County Court to two counts of inciting a person to cause serious injury.
The horse, Money Talks, competed successfully in the 2000 Olympics, making it the third highest placed Australian horse in the history of the
event.
In his opening address
Crown Prosecutor, David O'Doherty, said that after the Games and without Ms Bain's permission or knowledge, Mr Bloomfield sold Money Talks to an overseas buyer for $75,000.
Ms Bain, meanwhile, had found a prospective buyer, prepared to pay $300,000 for the horse.
(I intended linking the remainder, but it has not been included on the Addy's web site. And it's too cruel and unusual a punishment to expect me to retype a story I've subbed.) Anyway, the gist is there and the trial continues.




This picture at Grouchy's brings to mind an old Scottish jest:
"What's worn beneath the kilt, Jock?''
"Nothing's worn laddie, it's all in perfectly good working order.''
(Scroll down to pic).



GO, GRANNY, GO!

Marion Fahnestock, 60, has revealed that she was the White House intern who had a fling with JFK.
"The gift for me is that this allowed me to tell my two married daughters a secret that I've been holding for 41 years. It's a huge relief," she said.
THE NEW YORK POST suggests the church-going granny is 'sitting on a goldmine'.




JADED JENNY UPDATE

Two days ago I speculated on whether the broadsheet press would take any notice of deputy opposition leader Jenny Macklin claiming she was too tired to take the opportunity to air policy on Lateline.
Annabelle Crabb in her column in The Age (no link that I can find) today expands on Macklin's excuse (she had to get work done prior to flying to the Northern Territory) but also manages a subtle sink of the slipper:

Getting on the box when you're in Opposition is like selling encyclopaedias door-to-door -- when someone invites you in, you would be a mug to refuse.

I could be wrong, heavens knows, I've been before. But didn't Macklin just get called a mug?



YA GOTTA LAUGH . . .

Ah, New Yorkers, they can turn anything into a gag.

A demonstrator outside carried a sign: "Former New York Times Reporter - Will Lie for Food."



'THIS SHORT BLACK IS SYMBOLIC OF THE PRE-EXISTENTIALISM PARADIGM'

Snobs think they're better than everyone else.
Everyone else knows they're wrong.
How wrong then, are socialist snobs?
In today's LETTERS in The Age a Howard-hating snob vents about higher education reform.

The "Clever Country" will be full of places to get a latte - but few of the coffee drinkers will have anything meaningful to say.
Andrew Smith, Maffra


Unlike some of the graduates I've encountered in recent days. They spoke meaningfully about Big Brother, Danni at the Logies, how it's still all about oil, why "Leo's are just so up themselves'' and getting preview tickets for the Matrix movie. And they were just the Arts graduates.



RATINGS TO ROCKET

Oooohhh, those raunchy Norwegians!

Reality show to feature blue tits



TOUGH CALL

Jeez, they play hard ball, the du Toits:

This came from our niece, upon reading about the people found dead in the back of a truck in Victoria, Tex.:
"Too bad it wasn't the missing Democrat legislators."


Thursday



MEEE-OWWW

Ouch! Ann Coulter unsheaths the claws to comment on the scandal at the New York Times.

The New York Times is to be commended for ferreting out Jayson Blair, the reporter recently discovered making up facts, plagiarizing other news organizations and lying about nonexistent trips and interviews. A newspaper that employs Maureen Dowd can't have had an easy time settling on Blair as the scapegoat. Blair's record of inaccuracies, lies and distortions made him a candidate for either immediate dismissal or his own regular column on the op-ed page.



SALAAM SALAM

I scoffed when first reading SALAM PAX. Then someone convinced me he was the real deal. Then I lost interest with the constant links changes. Besides, OOGLAY HUSSEIN employed similar idiom but was funnier.
Now, DAVID WARREN of the Ottawa Citizen argues convincingly that Salam Pax is the offspring of a high-ranking Baathstard and is responsible for spreading anti-American propaganda to the gullible western media.

Sample:

What we can know, just by reading his blog, is that this Salam is up to no good. He is spreading "inside views" of the new Iraq, not only to the blogosphere, but directly among the journalists still encamped at the Meridian (formerly Palestine, formerly Meridian) hotel. Not the "embeds" who've gone home after remarkable learning experiences, but those "hacks" not yet transferred to the next breaking news story, and so still kicking around this mysterious city of Baghdad, trying to figure out what's happening without exposing themselves overmuch to danger.
And they lap it up. They depend on translators and guides to show them around, and seem only partially aware that the people who've come forward to provide them with these services are almost all unemployed former Baath regime officials. (They trust them because they speak English so well.)
Hence our media fixation on a series of stories -- starting with the entirely false account that was given of the looting of the Iraqi National Museum -- that show the American occupation in the worst possible light, and blame each lapse in public order on American oversight, instead of on the perpetrators.


Wednesday



MEDIA CHALLENGE

Surely this will test the bias of broadsheet Australian political media and their ABC colleagues, er, comrades.
Deputy Opposition Leader and shadow minister for higher education Jenny Macklin refused to go on Lateline tonight and respond to Minister Brendan Nelson on Budget effects on the portfolio.
"It's been a long day,'' was her excuse.
Had the boot been on the other foot I have no doubt The Age, Australian and SMH would be lifting a front page story to get in Nelson's reluctance to confront his opposite number on national TV at the far-from-ungodly hour of 10.30pm. With plenty of slant in the reportage.
Somehow, I feel this further example of Macklin's unexamined reticence will again go through to the keeper.
And what the heck have Gratten, Kingston and the rest of the sisterhood to say about the silence of their token party heavy? Is Macklin keeping her nut down in the hope that her position will survive the inevitable coup? Fat chance!
I will be thoroughly delighted if events prove this post to be stonewalled, red-faced wrong.



WENT TO JAIL

Took a bike ride along the river and through the city today, shooting a few Geelong landmarks. This is the old guard's tower at Geelong Prison which closed in 1990.




This is peaceful spot beside the Barwon River to have a dip, drop a line or just sit and think.





A former woollen mill beside the river houses Pegasus Antiques. They've mocked up bedrooms, studies and sitting rooms to display their wares to advantage.



The river track passes Landy Field, an athletics complex named after John Landy, who was educated at Geelong Grammar, and was the second man to break the 4 minute mile barrier. He's now Governor of Victoria and a splendid bloke.



Bollards crafted by local artist Jan Mitchell from a demolished wharf line Geelong's foreshore. They are modelled on historic Geelong characters. This is turn of the century footballer Henry "Trapper'' Young, the champion of the VFL in his day.




Tuesday



SUPERB
I like this bloke.

Why do you call yourself a cripple? Isn't disabled a better word?
I am not politically correct. Cripple is a perfectly good word. If the word offends you, fuck off.

Are you old?
I was born in October of 1946. Do the math. Sometimes I feel like I'm in my 70's. That's because I'm a cripple.

Is that why you're grouchy?
Partially. I'm also grouchy from having to deal with idiots. I do not suffer fools gladly.

Aha! You feel sorry for yourself!
Piss on pity! I'm a cripple because I fucked up. It was no one's fault but my own. I take responsibility for my own actions. That's why I hate liberals. To a liberal it is always someone else's fault. I hate whining.

Do you think you deserve special treatment because you are a cripple?
No. But I do get pissed when I see able bodied people in handicapped parking spaces and handicapped restroom stalls. When I went back to work after my accident, I didn't ask for special treatment and I didn't get any. My career took off because I outworked all my peers. I did not want anyone to say that the only reason I had a job was that I was a cripple. That is why I detest 'diversity' and 'affirmative action'. I have seen too many people use the color of their skin and their sex as excuses for failure. I don't give a shit if you are male or female; homosexual, monosexual, bisexual or any other kind of sexual; black, white, green, purple, or orange. Do your job and don't bitch about how badly the world has treated you.

And he's a gold medal writer. His Mother's Day tribute is exquisite.




BASTARDS!

An Australian man has been killed and another injured in a series of powerful bomb blasts which ripped through foreign housing compounds in Saudi Arabia.
A 39-year-old man from Sydney, who worked for an American computer company in the Saudi capital Riyadh, died in the suicide bombing attacks on guarded compounds housing foreign workers, mainly Americans.
Terrorist group al-Qaeda was suspected to be responsible for the three explosions, apparently set off when cars stuffed with explosives were driven into the compounds.
Another 28-year-old Sydney man was injured and taken to hospital, a Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (DFAT) spokeswoman said.
Australian Ambassador Bob Tyson said as many as 10 people may have been killed in the blasts, which may have been launched in retaliation for the war in Iraq.



THE WORKERS PARTY?

How the heck are the middle class socialists going to handle this? A Liberal government giving preferential tax cuts to low paid workers? This comes on top of a $20 a week national wage rise last week for the same low paid workers.

AAP reports: Treasurer Peter Costello handed out surprise tax cuts of between $3 and $11 a week for Australian workers tonight in a Budget he said would strengthen Australia's physical and economic security.
Mr Costello said the tax cuts, put into the Budget in the final two weeks, were aimed at low to middle income earners, and included an $85 increase to the low-income rebate for people who earned up to $21,600 a year.


Monday



ALL SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS . . .

A WOMAN prisoner is still at large after fleeing from the Geelong Hospital on Saturday afternoon.
Carolyn Munyard, 21, of Tallis Street, Norlane, was in a room at the hospital's birthing unit when she escaped, possibly down the
fire escape into Myers Street.
Munyard is 165cms (5'6'') tall, of slim build, had long blonde hair and at the time of her escape was wearing blue track pants and a light blue crop top and no shoes.
She also has no front teeth.



A FRIEND OUT THERE

In praise of blogs and bloggers.



MURDEROUS MAYHEM

Here's an opportunity for the United Nations to prove it can be of some use:

Wielding machetes and rocket-launchers, hordes of tribal warriors and drug-crazed children marauded through the Congolese town of Bunia yesterday, unleashing an orgy of killing and forcing tens of thousands of terrified refugees across the Ugandan border.



PROFESSORIAL PUNCH

Don't know whether Mrs Bunyip was exceptionally generous in gratitude for her Mother's Day presents, but by heck, the Prof has produced a couple of zinger assaults on captives of the institutionalised Left.


Sunday



AGE OF CONSENT

MICHAEL DARBY presents a strong, concise case against a NSW Government proposal to lower the age of male homosexual consent to 16. It does seem inconsistent when the heterosexual age of consent is 16, but having fathered both genders I can confidently assert that a 16-year-old girl is two years more mature in all sorts of ways than a 16-year-old boy. Plus, as Michael says, a 16-year-old is much easier prey for a predatory homosexual than an 18-y-o. And there's no denying that the motto for a significant percentage of homosexuals is "the younger the better''. On the other hand, adult males who tried to pick up 16-year-old girls would be rightly regarded as suspect, if not outright deviant.



THE END IS NIGH, LEFT-WINGER ADMITS TO BEING WRONG

Is this a first? A lefty commentator in The Sunday Age admits to being wrong on the Iraq war.
Joanna Murray-Smith comes from a line of old commos, and that possibly explains her conversion. Unlike latter day chardonnay socialists, the orthodox left are used to thinking things through and it seems Murray-Smith has concluded there are some things worse than liberating an oppressed people from tyranny and torture.
And yet, the World's Policeman did something no one else could or would do. It could have all gone horribly wrong, but it didn't. Civilians died, young men and women paid all kinds of prices and both Western and Iraqi children who lost fathers or homes have had their personal maps drastically redrawn by the hand of fate. But the fear and the torture is over. America, in all its infuriating arrogance, acted. Not so long ago, I dreaded this. And now, I have to admit, I was wrong.
No such Road to Damascus for stupid Atom Bum Adams who's still peddling his bourgeois bolshevik line complete with juvenile inanities like "our CIA worked so hard to get rid of Whitlam.''



MISSED THE START

Well, if we'd been up and about earlier yesterday we would have ended the day's punting on top. But seeing we missed Mick's first tip (win, paid $2.80) and his second tip, Caramel Corn which ran second, only paid $2.30 for the place, while his third selection St Vivant just missed placings, we were down $17 for the day. Only got myself to blame.


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