Brain graze



Corker yarn, the report that Victoria's Governor and former world champion miler John Landy faced unfair dismissal action after sacking a steward for alleged misconduct including whistling, singing in the pantry, and providing his wife, Mrs Landy, with her runners when she had requested walking shoes.
Trouble is, anyone who knows the Guv couldn't have him as some kind of vice-regal toff, lording it over the serving classes.
Something seemed just a little tainted about the report. All the running was being made by the Community and Public Sector Union which yesterday lodged the unfair dismissal claim in the Industrial Relations Commission after steward Jonathon Prince had his employment terminated by Government House's official secretary, Charles Curwen.
Yet Guv House's union representative, acting executive butler, Alexis Wilson, was not consulted by the union in the matter. Ms Wilson defended the operations of the house.
3AW talkback host Neil Mitchell, also defending the Governor, mentioned a matter of improperly completed time sheets, suggesting there was more to the issue than the trivial matters mentioned in The Age's original story.
It's pretty shoddy reporting -- and childish establishment-bashing -- if The Age didn't bother to report all the details behind the sacking.
But then it wouldn't be the first time the Standard Gauge was selective in its coverage of matters vice-regal.


There could be a whole new experience the next time she asks you to "ring her up''.
That cache of quirk ANANOVA reports that some Norwegian eggheads have invented a battery-operated penis ring they say can help cure impotence.
Electrical engineer Birger Orten says the thin, battery driven ring which can be drawn on to the penis should produce the same effect as potency stimulating pills.
Mr Orten says his invention is comprised of a narrow, thin ring with "advanced energy transferral" that is placed at the root of the penis.


Our rant about a history rewriter who presented the Japanese as victors at Kokoda in 1942 has sparked spirited response.
Fred Jacobsen from San Francisco insists the revisionist disease rims the Pacific Basin. Fred also passes on some reassuring words in these worrying times.

I read your insightful critique of children's WWII history with nodding admiration (and frustration). If you think things are bad in Australia re Kokoda, though, try San Francisco (where my 12 and 13 year-old children are enrolled in a public school) re Pearl Harbor. Most San Franciscans would admit that we lost at Pearl Harbor (left-wingers love to concede losses, surprise attack or not), but deny that our victory in WWII (Pacific Theater) represented anything other than racial oppression, etc. etc. etc., culminating in the use of nuclear weapons. As a reality check, I sometimes take my children to the shrapnel-shredded deck of the USS San Francisco at Land's End (if you've never visited San Francisco, Land's End is west of the Golden Gate Bridge at the end of . . . well you get the idea).

The USS San Francisco was a destroyer that sailed into the midst of the Japanese fleet at Guadalcanal (if memory serves), at great loss of life (including the commanding Admiral).

WWII is full of small stories of bravery like this, that add up to the only important thing: victory.

But the Left detests victory (except over ordinary people).

On a separate subject . . .

After September 11, I knew that we would go to war with these Islamic enemies. I believed President Bush that this war could last several years. As the father of a thirteen year-old son, this put my family directly in harm's way. This I knew. I also knew that talk of coalitions was complete and utter bullshit. Frankly, my dear, I didn't give a damn about Sierra Leone. But I was comforted that Aussies and Brits unknown to me would stand with us (and my son, if necessary). This was before Bali. After Bali, I knew that we would stand with Australia, whether or not the same bastards killed us on our soil.

I grieve for those murdered Australians.

Fred Jacobsen
San Francisco



By pledging to phase out logging in the Otway Ranges south of Geelong, the Bracks Government has clearly demonstrated that the votes of SeaChange dilettantes are more important to it than its traditional blue-collar constituency. It's the gutless way the government has rolled over to these NIMBYs and the Greens that irks anyone with a shred of knowledge about the Otways. Those in the know are aware that Green liars have convinced city media and stupid politicians that a slice of paradise has been at stake here. It's utter crap. Apart from inaccessible river valleys, the whole area has been burnt, logged and replanted continuously since the 1880s and is far from pristine. It contains vast tracts of pinus radiata, Californian redwoods, Tasmanian bluegums and eastern Victorian mountain ash. Understoreys are infested with blackberry, ragwort, thistles and feral domestic flora. Timber company practices ensured the imported tree species would evenually be harvested out, while their management practices to an extent controlled the ferals. I hate to think what's going to happen to the Otways once management reverts to a handful of rangers. Can't imagine the tree-huggers toting herbicide spraypacks through the forests for weeks at a time. For that's what will be required just to keep ragwort at bay.


Where's the Blarney Stone, you ask. I believe it resides in the copious folds of Mary Robinson's bloomers. And boy, didn't Kerry O'Brien do some Blarney Stone kissing when Scary Mary was his guest on last night's 7.30 Report. Here's the former Nawab of the UN's Human Rights Commission ripe for interrogation about the one juicy subject that surrounds that body and Kerry can't ask the hard one. I mean, those of us with a fleeting interest in international affairs and the UN would be just a little inquisitive to know how Robinson felt about her former bailiwick -- the UN's Human Rights Commission -- being taken over from next March by well-known humanitarian and social progressive Colonel Gadaffi. No, instead of even pretending to do some tough interviewing, smarmy Kerry trivialised and kissed and sucked so hard, you'd swear his 8.00 Report was going to be about a knee-trembler in the ABC carpark. Maybe I'm too unkind. Perhaps he just hadn't done his homework.



Anyone wanting to get the Slatts' dander up and roaring need only cast aspersions on WW2 Diggers. In particular, the heroes who cleaned up the Jerries and Hitler-backing Frogs in the Middle East before coming back south to give the Japs a nice old pasting in New Guinea and the Pacific.
A dork by the name of Clive Hamilton from The Australia Institute elevated the hackles on Monday in The Age when in the middle of some forgettable waffle (apparently unarchived) he declared that the Australians were beaten at Kokoda just like Gallipoli.
As Al McCallum would say, the man obviously has two dicks, he couldn't get that stupid from normal wanking. I happen to know a little about the 1942 Kokoda campaign --- my Dad having been in it up to his grubby neck -- and if Australia was beaten at Kokoda, he and a few hundred others have been hallucinating for 60 years.
I fired off this email to Hamilton, who has not had the grace to reply. Thus I have no qualms about sharing its contents with the bloggosphere: I contacted him at

"...the Japanese beat us at Kokoda.''

Dr Hamilton,
I despair that the Whitlamite education policies prevalent for the past 30 years have denied young Australians like my children a true understanding of their culture.
In particular, I regret they are told nothing of the nation's history, other than the black armband version that with youthful intuition they know to be mostly bullshit.
But then, I think they could have had the misfortune to be taught Australian history by the likes of stupid fucks like yourself.
A force of fewer than 600 Australians took on 5000 of the cream of Imperial Japanese forces and in a few weeks reduced them to a routed, cannibalistic, terror-stricken rabble. My father and others in Cha Force hounded that enemy back across the Owen Stanleys, through Kokoda and on to Gona within weeks of them arriving in PNG.
Sure, the Japanese won the first skirmishes at Kokoda. But they suffered such losses that in subsequent battles, the tide was turned and they were forced to retreat ignomoniously.
According to your interpretation of history, Collingwood have won at least four more premierships than the records show because they were ahead at half-time.
Bernard Slattery
Geelong Victoria.


AIM . . .

TIM DUNLOP and other bloggers advancing the worthy case against unfettered handgun ownership may note that anyone can load bullets in a gun (or arrows in a bow), but no-one has yet put brains into the monumentally stupid.
A man accidentally killed his 14-year-old son with a crossbow when he mistook the boy for a deer (Adamsville, Ohio, October). A man accidentally shot his adult son with his Father's Day handgun (which the son had loaded before gift-wrapping) (Coraopolis, Pa., June). Mothers in Jackson, Wis., and Port Richey, Fla., shot their sons (ages 9 and 10, respectively) with BB rifles in object lessons taken too far (August; September). A man accidentally fired his hunting bow, driving an arrow into the skull of his 11-year-old daughter, but she survived (Muncie, Ind., September). An 8-year-old boy was taken away by child welfare officials in September after his stepfather shamelessly admitted that he had used a stun gun on the boy for being late for school (Sweeny, Texas). [, 10-8-02] [Beaver County Times, 6-18-02] [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, 7-6-02] [St. Petersburg Times, 9-27-02] [Louisville Courier-Journal, 9-26-02] [Houston Chronicle, 9-26-02]

Tim has his own Halloween shootin' yarn to endorse my above contention.


The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has concluded that Costco Wholesale Corp.'s firing of Kimberly M. Cloutier for refusing to stop wearing an eyebrow ring at work constituted religious discrimination in that Cloutier is a member of the Oregon-based Church of Body Modification.
According to my favourite fount of foolishness, NEWS OF THE WEIRD the church says piercings and tattoos "are essential to our spiritual salvation." Based on the EEOC ruling, Cloutier, 27, of West Springfield, Mass., filed a federal lawsuit against Costco for not "accommodating" her religious practice, as required by law.

Brethren, shall we gather every morning at the Church of Eternal Imbibition to religiously sink a few hearty draughts to fortify us against the tribulations of the workplace?