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Wednesday



CRIMINAL COURT

GEELONG fast food identity Kevin Boland said he was ashamed to call himself Australian after seeing Vietnamese breadshop owners terrorised.
Kevin, who runs Kev’s Caravan – the best burger outlet by Corio Bay -- wasn’t the only one. It was pretty cringe-making to read that the battling baker, Chi Minh Cuong Huynh, was dragged before the beak for the crime of defending his family and property against a couple of lowlife scum who were trying to break into his shop.
THE GEELONG ADVERTISER reports today that
the local magistrate's court was told that Cuong armed himself with a stick, went to investigate and saw two men, one trying to smash the roller door which had only just been fixed following a previous attack. One bandit kicked Cuong and a fight broke out with Cuong using the stick to break one man's arm and rupture the second man's kidney.
Cuong’s sister Jessica said she and her two brothers had been the victims of drunken party-goers almost every weekend in their Ryrie Street business.
Windows are smashed, things are stolen and doors pushed in. She believes the attacks are often racially motivated.
Mr Boland said there wasn't a business in Geelong that had had as many windows broken as the Geelong Hot Bread Shop.
He said on one occasion he had gone there late at night to change his order and when the door was opened to let him in, a couple of youths ran in off the street.
``They started throwing loaves of bread around and shouting they were there to `get the gooks','' Mr Boland said.
`We eventually managed to get them out of the store.’’
So how does Australian justice treat the Cuong family? Instead of at least an invite to try out with the Geelong Baseball Club, Chi Minh gets hauled before the bench on two charges of recklessly causing serious injury.
Magistrate Ian von Einem told Cuong if the assaults had occurred without provocation it would have been a different matter. He fined Cuong $2000 without conviction.
Bracks might be a do-nothing Labor Premier. But there’s little doubt the Victorian loopy left are extremely active in prosecutorial matters. What the hell was this bloke doing in court in the first place?
I know where I’ll be buying my bakery needs from now on. And I bet there’ll be plenty of other disgusted citizens joining me.


Tuesday



NOT TO MENTION THE ELEPHANTINE SCHNOZ

Seems not all of Hollywood delights in having their region referred to as Left Coast.
THE TELEGRAPH reports that a number of stars have thrown their support behind the Bush Government’s campaign against terror and Iraq.
Best quote comes from R Lee Ermey, who made his name as the fearsome drill sergeant in the film Full Metal Jacket, who turned his sights on that plagiariser of pulp, The Unfunny Girl.
"Once again, Barbra Streisand has opened her alligator-sized mouth wide before her humming-bird brain has had a chance to catch up," said Ermey. "Of course, she has the right to her opinion, but what she does is use the 'bully pulpit', helped by her fame, and people think she's talking for Hollywood."



WHAT MEETS THE EYE

Always one to want more from the story than the apparent, I’ve lasered in on first reports comparing the mysterious sniper attacks in Washington and Maryland with other acts of terrorism in the US.
While touching on connections this ASSOCIATED PRESS piece stays in neutral. But as a sucker for a good old conspiracy I wouldn't be surprised if they find a Mohomad or Ali in that ''white box-like truck''.
Psychiatry professor Alvin Poussaint from Harvard Medical School reckons the sniper shootings could well do something that the Sept. 11 attacks and the anthrax mailings that followed did not do - keep people inside.
"In a sense, people may feel more vulnerable," he said. "This is very different from 9/11."



WHAT A PATRIOT

Ex-porn star and one-time Italian MP La Cicciolina has offered to give herself to Iraqi President Saddam Hussein in exchange for world peace.
"I would do it holding my nose and closing my eyes - I would do it for peace," she told Catalan daily El Periodicoon.


Monday



WHO SAID IT?

Thanks to the aforementioned John Ray
for this quote.

“We are socialists, we are enemies of today's capitalistic economic system for the exploitation of the economically weak, with its unfair salaries, with its unseemly evaluation of a human being according to wealth and property instead of responsibility and performance, and we are all determined to destroy this system under all conditions”

The test for today students, is to find out who said it?

(a) Karl Marx?
(b) John Lennon?
(c) John Lenin?
(d) Phatty Adams?
(e) Germaine Greer?
(f) Mao Tse Tung?
(g) Another left wing tyrant who is rarely described in those terms, even though that's about as accurate as you can get.


If you answered (g), you will have some handy ammunition in your next barney with a member of the Socialist League. Yes, they are the words of Hitler.





FUNNY MAN


DR JOHN RAY is not just an incisive political commentator. Ray is truly of the Sunshine state and is inclined to crack humorous, often of the cornball, shaggy dog variety. Sample:

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a
lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach
pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the
travel bag she carried, except for one thing; She would
approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance
around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she
would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and
there would be a quick exchange of money for something she
carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling
drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't
know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you
ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom
boxes and other electronic devices?" He said he hadn't.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our
big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find
out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was
almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw
the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man
walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well,
is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.

"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than
he should have. "Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly
shrieked.

The man grinned and said. "She's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes" he replied. "She sells C cells by the seashore."


This yarn from Dr Ray also needs a wider audience:

The US Forest Service (USFS) was presenting an alternative to Wyoming
ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seemed that, after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods
of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a "more
humane" solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured
alive, the males castrated, then let loose again... and the population would
be controlled.
Well, all the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of
minutes.
Finally, a greyhaired old boy in the back stood up, kicked his well-worn hat
back over his weather-beaten brow and said, "Son, I don't think you
understand the problem. These coyotes ain't fucking our sheep - they're
eatin' 'em."





GETTING BETTER ALL THE TIME

Groan. As Warren Zevon would say, poor, poor pitiful me.
Listen up young 'uns:
Eggs don't bounce.
There are no bones in bananas.
And one does not shrug the effects of birthday carousals at 53 anywhere near as efficiently as one did at 23.
Saturday night was all right for fighting the demons of abstinence, moderate sustenance and quiet reflection. In fact I was in such fine combative shape I spent the best part of Sunday horizontal. Great time had by all, nuff said.

While we were readying for the party of the century, Magic Mick Manley's selections stretched honestly enough to deliver a modest return on the first day of Melbourne's Spring Racing Carnival.
Our $10 each way on Thong Classic yielded a profit of $4 when it scraped into placings. Berezny won us $13 for its 2nd placing. A $57 yield from a $40 investment in under an hour. Better than scraping bricks.


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