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Saturday



PARDON ME ROY

Git on down there, y'all.
Fifty-three years on this planet is good nuff reason to stay out after midnight drinking, carousing and singing country music. I'll be doing it with my ole pals from the Dead Livers country and western suburbs ensemble at the Bush Inn, cr Williams and Malvern roads, West Toorak on Saturday 5th October, 2002 8pm-1am.
Also on the bill are The Schackettes, Lee Morgan, the Hay Balers, the Very Handsome Men and fresh from a sellout season with Random I Am at the Barwon Club, Tim "Son of a Gun'' Slattery. MC is High Saddle rider and Heart Balm correspondent Dave Dawson.
For the interest of everyone except Mick Schack there will be a special late licence and counter meals for those who don't mind interrupting their imbibing.
As Sartre would say: Be there or don't exist.



MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU CLASS

Bloggsville newcomer ANGELA BELL has published an outline by party planners for a shindig hosted by US greedhead Dennis Kozlowski for his wife Karen's 40th birthday. Complete with exploding tits, an Elvis guest appearance and a vodka-pissing statue of David, this must be what happens when trailer trash wins Tatts.



MAGIC MUSINGS

Gotta a feeling in my water today that Magic Mick Manley's race tips will prove 18-carat accurate. At the track, that is. Away from the stables he is predicting, hee-hee-hee, wait for it, defeat haa-haa-haa, for the hoh-hoh-hoh, as if, hawh-hawh-hawh, the Magpies. This, oh this is a killer, yuk,yuk, yuk, from a Richmond supporter.

Here's Mick's neddy nostradermusosis:

Big weekend of racing and sport. At Sandown today try Natural Blitz (Race 3, No.3) each-way and Steel King (Race 7, No.5) to win.
At a superb race-day at Caulfield on Sunday...Bella Moxie (Race 1, No.6) each-way should be a good way to start the day. Follow up with Titanic Jack (Race 4, No.8) each-way.
In the feature sprint the Dubai Racing Club Cup Cup, Bel Esprit (Race 5, No.18) is certainly worth another chance. Desert Sky (Race 5, No.12) could run a race at gigantic odds.
Northerly (Race 6, No.1) should also win the Emirates Underwood Stakes.
Whilst we are in punting mode the Brownlow is always worth a little flutter. I suggest backing the following mid-fielders on an each-way basis - Peter Bell (Fremantle), Paul Williams (Sydney) and Adam Yze (Melbourne).
And last but not least GO CROWS (although Collingwood making and losing a Grand Final does have a lot of appeal)
see ya,
MM


Friday



RAY OF SUNSHINE STATE

Need some demolition fare for a dinner party likely to be attended by academics, teachers or journalists? JOHN RAY'S succinct explanations concerning the origin of modern homus erectus leftus ratbagus is the dish that will do. Queenslander Ray presents: The Psychology of Leftism: A site devoted to dissecting the psychology underlying Leftist political attitudes.
Some of us will learn why we were such idiots in the 70s and 80s. Others will never learn.


Thursday



FRIGHTENING STUFF

Need to dispel any doubts about the evil that is Saddam Hussein? Read this brilliant detailed account by Jeffrey Goldberg of the despot's genocidal crushing of the Kurds. Chilling stuff from the pages of The New Yorker

Sample:
"On the road to Anab, many of the women and children began to die," Nouri told me. "The chemical clouds were on the ground. They were heavy. We could see them." People were dying all around, he said. When a child could not go on, the parents, becoming hysterical with fear, abandoned him. "Many children were left on the ground, by the side of the road. Old people as well. They were running, then they would stop breathing and die."

Nasreen's family did not move quickly. "We wanted to wash ourselves off and find water to drink," she said. "We wanted to wash the faces of the children who were vomiting. The children were crying for water. There was powder on the ground, white. We couldn't decide whether to drink the water or not, but some people drank the water from the well they were so thirsty."



AND NOW FOR SOME GOOD NEWS
Satellite pictures of northern Africa show that areas lost to the Sahara desert during decades of drought are turning green again.
THE BBC reports the driving force behind the retreat of the deserts is believed to be increased rainfall.
Better farming methods have also played a critical role, according to researchers.




Wednesday



MAGPIES ADMIT BLOWING IT

From brilliant Aussie Rules satire site THE BLADDER, this brief is definitely only for those in the know:
Magpies admit engaging Jon Dorotich for specialist coaching was a mistake.
If you need an explanation, contact the boys at ONE BLOG IN SEPTEMBER



"I thank Allah for the help other people rendered to me to get my penis back.''

Got your attention.

A man, an Internet and too much time on his hands and this is the type of stuff he'll stumble across.

ALL AFRICA reports that a middle-aged woman on Saturday escaped being lynched for allegedly causing the genitals of a Nigerian male market stall operator to disappear.

The man said he felt as if "a bucketful of cold water" had been emptied on his head. He raised an alarm when he felt his groin and discovered that his genitals had disappeared.



GETTING THE BOOT

Who wrote this promo, Jeff Kennett?

"The World's Only Ass-Kicking Machine!!!!" the sign reads. "$1.00 per minute. If still standing, 2nd minute free ... If not satisfied, you will be taken behind the wood shed for complete satisfaction!"

Victorian politics veterans will recall that many years ago Kennett was MC at a Miss Italian Community ball. After presenting trophies to the winners, he invited the other bella younga ladies out the back later to receive their award. Didn't go down well in prudish parts.

Anyway this delightful little yarn from THE ROANOKE TIMES
tells of Bob Boothe's strange brown contraption that stands alongside Burnt Chimney Road in Franklin County, Virginia. It's a water wheel that, when running, spins a board with a sneaker mounted on each end.
Boothe, 89, got the idea to build it after spying a somewhat similar though smaller gadget in North Carolina about 20 years ago. But the water propulsion, the addition of shoes and the concept of posterior application were all his ideas, he says.
His gadget now appears in a web site created by Scott Wenzel dedicated to weird American machinery. (Still trying to track down that site).
But it's the story that kicks arse. It's one of those great real human interest pieces about ordinary people doing out-of-the-ordinary things and told with unpretentious empathy.

Sample:
Boothe's own life could be considered a slice of vintage Americana. Raised on a Franklin County farm, he hopped a Norfolk & Western freight train at 14 to look for work. "There was seven of us in the family back then," he said. "Nobody had any money. I walked from our home to Roanoke, which was about 25 miles." That was the beginning of a hobo adventure.

and

Boothe and his good friend, Daniel Wiley, 73, spend their days together driving around the county. "I just can't stay at home," Boothe said.
On a recent warm morning, Boothe and Wiley made a striking pair as they operated the tail-kicker for a reporter. Boothe wore a cap featuring a lecherous old man, a bikini-clad beauty and a double entendre slogan that's unsuitable for a family newspaper. Wiley, who is black, wore a cap displaying the Confederate Stars and Bars, and the slogan "Dixie: The closest thing to Heaven."
Boothe addresses Wiley by the nickname "Shorty."
Why? "He's short," Boothe said.
Both men have outlived their wives, and Boothe has outlived his son. His daughter sometimes comes up from Florida to visit, and when she does, she pays her respects to Boothe's machine. "She has to have her tail kicked every time she comes here," he said.


Can't you just imagine these old geezers, chucklin' and rib-diggin' as they bulldust the pants of the reporterin' fella.




Tuesday



MEDIA ALMOST WATCHED

Trawling through MEDIA WATCH'S guest book, Slatts' gimlet-like latched onto this criticism of host David Marr's use of the term "Blind Freddie''.
''Bravo'', we were initially inclined to cheer to critic Bridgit Tilley, such a limp old cliche should be thrown on the scrapheap (!!??). But then correspondent Tilley revealed herself to be a fully credentialled member of the oh-so-trivially upset chapter of ABC consumers. The reason for her complaint:
My blind stepfather took exception. And yes, he does 'watch' the television.
Yes, but is his name Freddie?
Anyway, I was on a fruitless quest to find out why producer McEvoy gutlessed out on Tim Blair's challenge to dissect PHATTY ADAMS' avalanche of inaccuracies in Saturday's Australian.
After all, McEvoy told Crikey.com: "We try to be balanced and we're more than happy to come down on some lefty columnists if we catch them stuffing up.''
Perhaps McEvoy regards writing bald-faced porkies about the US and its president in a national daily as too trivial a matter for his esteemed program.




ROLL UP, COME AND SEE THE FREAK: A NON-CONFORMIST TEACHER

Tony the Teacher is laser sharp, although the last line of his latest post leaves a dull ache.
Tony revels in announcing that at least one Victorian teacher isn't marching lock-step to the tired old Whitlamesque beat. Now, this offers a glimmer of hope that our kids might at last be offered some challenging diversity in education. And with a savage wit, if Tony has anything to do with it.
But then he reveals that he understands, as do quite a few academics, journalists and bloggers, there's a heavy price to be paid for non-conformism in a Politically Correct society:
After assuring us that "One Victorian teacher'' is not bogged down in the 70s, Tony signs off: One Victorian teacher hopes his colleagues don’t read this.




WHY WOULD SHE TREAT US SO THOUGHTLESSLY?

This is a news story? The "serious'' press is agog at the revelation by Kirsty Ruddock, the Minister for Immigration's daughter that she disagreed with her Dad on asylum seekers. She was so upset she planned to run away from home.
She said she had taken a position overseas with an aid organisation in part to escape the "daily grind" of her father's job.
Fer forks sake, she's 30-years-old.
I think I'll borrow from Kirsty's experience on my home front, presumably to reap the same benefit as Minister Ruddock.
I'll just keep playing those Beatles and Stones records ad nauseum so that a certain 18-year-old punk aficianado will just have to bolt to escape the ''daily grind''.



Sunday



REPORT VERIFIED

The report of a seemingly pyschic kid predicting the 9-11 attack to his teacher intrigued
sojourning statesider JAMES MORROW who has found a back-up report by Jonathon Alter at
MSNBC.
Alter has no doubt the original report was true. He concludes:
So what to make of all of this? There is no doubt in my mind that the story is true. But what does it mean?
There are only three possibilities: 1.) the youth was clairvoyant; 2.) the youth, knowing about the 1993 bombing, was just venting anger in a particularly timely way; 3.) word of the attack on the World Trade Center was rumored in his family or neighborhood and he heard about it.
Investigators don’t know what to believe. On the one hand, one argues, “This is too much of a coincidence that the kid said this” before September 11. On the other hand, scores of tips in the area have not checked out when pursued by police. One police officer says he would need a couple of other similarly confirmed cases to conclude definitively that word was on the street.
In the meantime, police and school authorities in Brooklyn are looking ahead. “It’s creepy,” one told me before I got on the subway to go back to the office. “But what the hell are we going to do about it now?”


Like me, James Morrow is keen to know the whereabouts of Jeffrey Scott Shapiro who penned the first pyschic kid report and who, after his piece was published in the Journal News in suburban New York, was promptly given the heave-ho.
Reckon there's a rattling good yarn there, somewhere.


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