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Saturday


CHOPPER DOES A MCARTHUR

Less than a month after declaring he'd never return to the scene of several incarcerations, celebrity and killer Mark Brandon "Chopper'' Reed yesterday dropped into Victoria's best city, Geelong. Apparently oblivious to his last mention of the city by the bay -- "I wouldn't want my corpse buried in Geelong'' -- Chopper turned up in Cat town and paid a visit to the old abandoned Geelong Gaol, his home for a stretch in the 1980s.
And in what could be a lesson for the judiciary -- as if they'd listen -- the retired murderer was decidedly twitchy about going into the cells.
THE GEELONG ADVERTISER reports today that The man who has killed, shot and stabbed other people, yesterday could not bring himself to walk into the upstairs cell where he spent 10 months in 1984.
``No, I`m not going up there,'' he said as he walked through the jail's corridors, dressed not in a green prison tracksuit but in a rugby jumper, jeans and red shoes.
So what brought Chopper back to the place he despised so much that "If my dog had a bladder problem I wouldn't even want him to urinate there''?
Well, he's done the books and the movie so he's now throwing the switch to vaudeville. He's doing a chat-joke show tonight at the South Barwon Civic Centre. Proceeds for charity.


YOU DON'T SAY

Professor David Robinson got the heave-ho from the vice-chancellorshop at Monash University this week when he was nabbed for the third time plagiarising another academic’s work.

So what did the prof run with as his own?

A piece of sociobabble on inherited alcoholism from academics Julian Roebuck and Raymond Kessler which in turn referred to the work of “Jackson and Conner’’.

It says in part…
“They found that nondrinkers more frequently came from homes in which neither parent drank, and where both parents disapproved of drinking. Moderate drinkers also came frequently from nondrinking homes but almost as often from homes in which both parents drank…
“Alcoholics, on the other hand, came most frequently from homes in which one parent drank (usually the father). These researchers held that in this ‘ambivalent environment’ the individual who has since become an alcoholic failed to develop a consistent and well-organised attitudinal structure which could restrain him from excessive drinking.’’

What the heck are Prof Robinson’s qualifications: A masters degree in the bleedin’ obvious?



HIT YOUR KICK

Stuck inside so I can't get out to buy the Herald-Sun and relay Magic's tip of the day to the blogosphere. However, I've done some research and I'll be having $10 win, $5 place on Sly Rambler in the Country Cup at Moonee Valley. Although top weight it's got the aptly named M Pumpa on board, claiming 3kg to bring it back to the field. Has won Mt Gambier and Murtoa cups and had familiariser here two starts back. Happy punting customers.


Friday


HUMANE? NAH, JUST DUMB HUMANS

So that's why they're animal lovers. They're splashing in the same intellectual pond as the beasties.

The US National Park Service said a Florida man probably thought he was saving Bambi when he joined other people in attacking a bear that was mauling a baby deer in Tennessee.
mycfnow reports that Michael Shaw of Grand Ridge, Fla., has been charged with disturbing wildlife and disorderly conduct.

Witnesses told rangers in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park that they saw the attack on the bear two weeks ago. The bear was mortally wounded and had to be destroyed.

Meanwhile, Charlene Rosen, owner of Mr. Charles Shop, in State College, Pa., says anti-fur activists smashed her glass doors. She says another attack left red paint on her shop windows and sidewalk.

THE CAROLINE CHANNEL says e-mail to a college newspaper claims the Animal Liberation Front is responsible. But Rosen says the vandals can't tell real fur from fake. She has a denim jacket in her shop window with a phony fur collar.

She says she doesn't carry real fur products. Rosen says "If they're stupid enough not to know real from fake, we've got a real problem in our society."


Wednesday



WHY THOSE OLD FELLAS SHUFFLE ABOUT

To me, this is a dazzling tribute to the extremes of nature.

Today’s AnniVersaries poem by Timoshenko Aslanidis.
(Published by Brandl & Schlesinger Pty Ltd
PO Box 276 Rose Bay NSW 2029 Australia
brandlschlesinger@compuserve.com

Sunday, 10 July 1988

The ice extends the land and its uses onto the water,
for here on frozen flatness that once was sea
and safe from fragmented pack-ice though close to a polynia,
these Emperor Penguins breed, defying winter.
The female having laid her egg and left for the ocean,
the male incubates it on his feet
though blizzard, intensified by katabatic winds
fresh from the plateau, may hit like a hammer.
The males lean like aged men in army greatcoats,
backs to the blizzard and packed between each other,
the windward layer shuffling off, eggs on feet,
and don the flanks of the huddle to take up the lee
where, standing still each finds and enjoys the warmth of centre
until he’s back to windward once again.
And somehow each remembers a song he learnt while courting,
and hearing it, trumpets the one he taught her.
By then the huddle has broken, most parents have progeny
-- but chick exchanged, the Emperors abdicate.


AND LEE HARVEY OSWALD KNEW ABOUT THE ALIENS

Haven't taken your medication? Then you'll be right at home at this whacko forum.

I want to raise the very real scenario of SIEV-X having been sunk with the cooperation of good old Uncle Sam.
Think about it: The most violent, anti-muslim and racist society on earth, whose only worthwhile contributions to humanity are jazz and FDR, has filled the heavens with its spy satellites, following our every move and monitoring our thoughts on the Internet with its omniescent intelligence apparatus.

Hey, what have they got against rock 'n roll and Jack Nicholson?

Scuse me, while I pull out that omniescent intelligence apparatus from the back of the computer.


Tuesday


TIME OUT FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT SENATORS

Only the Australian Democrats could come up with such a doozie. Tiring of the constant snipe between leader Natasha Spot Destroyer and her predecessor Meg Lees, deputy leader Aiden Ridgeway has come up with the ultimate fairies at the bottom of garden solution: counselling.

Senator Ridgeway said the issue had been destructive for the party and it was in everyone's interest that Senator Lees and Senator
Stott Despoja resolved their differences, possibly through professional mediation, AAP reported.
.



TIME OUT FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT SENATORS

Only the Australian Democrats could come up with such a doozie. Tiring of the constant snipe between leader Natasha Spot Destroyer and her predecessor Meg Lees, deputy leader Aiden Ridgeway has come up with the ultimate fairies at the bottom of garden solution: counselling.

Senator Ridgeway said the issue had been destructive for the party and it was in everyone's interest that Senator Lees and Senator
Stott Despoja resolved their differences, possibly through professional mediation, AAP reported.


.


YES HONEY, YOUR BUM IS TOO BIG. WE'LL NEVER WIN THAT 108 POUNDS OF BEER

In news just to hand we can tell you that an Estonian team has just won the world title in our favourite sport, wife-carrying. YAHOO reports that a Baltic pair ran off with the world wife-carrying title for the fifth year in a row despite new rules on the weight of the spouse.

Using the trademark "Estonia carry," in which the woman squeezes her thighs on the sides of the man's face while hanging upside down along his back, Meelis Tammre, 24, and Anna Zilberberg, 21, were fastest round the 278-yard course.

"I have come second three times. Finally I have won," said an exhausted Tammre, who won with a time of one minute four seconds. Given the positioning of contestants, I can guess who really came first.

Wife-carrying is rooted in local history, explains the report. Change the verbs around and it's much the same here.

Top prize is the female champion's weight in beer -- in this case Anna's 108 pounds. Now that should be added to our local rules.

"We've been surprised that foreigners, especially Estonians, take it so seriously. When we started the event it was only fun. The way it's going it could become an Olympic event," said Finn Sari Ronkainen, who runs a local glass business.

Faster, higher, stronger . . . whatever!












Monday


SUCH A NICE BOY

Bet you didn't know that Elvis Presley's great-great-grandmother, Nancy Burdine Tackett, was Jewish.
Tackett's daughter had a daughter who had Gladys, the Pelvis' mum. Jewishness is passed through the mother, according to religious law, and there's no expiration date. This would mean that Elvis Presley could be considered a Jew.

Canadian film producer Evan Beloff became aware of this and became so entranced by the notion that he spent three years working on a documentary, "Schmelvis: Searching for the King's Jewish Roots."

"Schmelvis" had its U.S. premiere last week in New York at a Jewish cultural center on the Upper West Side. As the film opens, Schmelvis -- a Montreal Elvis impersonator who decorates his white jumpsuit with Stars of David -- makes a dramatic entrance in an old-age home, where his decrepit audience can hardly stay awake. THE WASHINGTON POST has the full story.



BAND OF ROVING CHIEF EXECUTIVES SPOTTED MILES FROM MEXICAN BORDER

Unwilling to wait for their eventual indictments, the 10,000 remaining CEOs of public U.S. companies made a break for it yesterday, heading for the Mexican border, plundering towns and villages along the way, and writing the entire rampage off as a marketing expense.

"They came into my home, made me pay for my own TV, then double-booked the revenues," said Rachel Sanchez of Las Cruces, just north of El Paso. "Right in front of my daughters."

Calling themselves the CEOnistas, the chief executives were first spotted last night along the Rio Grande River near Quemado, where they bought each of the town's 320 residents by borrowing against pension fund gains. By late this morning, the CEOnistas had arbitrarily inflated Quemado's population to 960, and declared a 200 percent profit for the fiscal second quarter.

Read the rest at FREE REPUBLIC.


STAYED AWAY IN DROVES

Baldy old agitator Peter Garrett might have finally realised there's more chance of people turning up to hear Midnight Oil's music than their 70s style ''radical'' preaching.

THE ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION
reports that the Oils joined another geriatric rock combo, the B-52s, and Decatur Indigo Girl Emily Saliers in a protest over the weekend. The musicians came out in Chicago to protest a plan to store the nation's nuclear waste in Nevada. Not many others did, though.

Only six protesters turned up carrying signs denouncing the proposed Yucca Mountain storage facility.

Suppose Garrett and Co have to protest about something. I mean, they'd look a bit silly whingeing about that number one enemy of twitchy tree-huggers -- globalisation. After all, their latest record, Capricornia, is handled by that scarcely known purveyor of cottage industry products, Sony.

The bands, which were in the Windy City for concerts, came out to urge the U.S. Senate to strike down a plan to store all the nation's nuclear waste in south-central Nevada. The U.S. House of Representatives approved a similar measure in May.




BLOODSHOT EYE OF THE TIGER

Punters among this web log's readers must be wondering why Magic Mick Manley's Saturday tips were so short-lived.
Well Magic apologises. He was indisposed due to Richmond's one-point loss on Friday night. Seems Mick and his fellow Tiger faithful resorted to that traditional Richmond salve for defeat -- a bucket or two of beer. Hence he was in the land of nod when his sure thing should have been galloping to us through cyber space. Don't worry wagerers, he'll be back next Saturdee.


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